i hate when i ask a girl what she's being for halloween and the first word isn't "slutty"
Look on the bright side, you can mark 'beastiality' off your bucket list
When you're opening a bottle of tequila with a golf club, it's probably time to stop drinking...
Well regardless of where or with who you will be blacking out and i will be pouring shots down ur throat like a baby bird
do you actually have a paper bowl full of broken glass and ecstasy or was that just a dream?
You were almost as fucked up as I was the night I hooked up with a bob saget look alike...
He licked the chalk off his shirt, then spat the Mountain Dew from his mouth onto the shirt and sucked on it. And thats him sober.
Getting sick, pulled the filter off a camel crush and rolled it into my joint to clear my sinuses. If there were stoner awards, I'd receive one.
i think the title to my autobiography shall be, "a bottle of vodka and various pieces of meat"
and this is why you're my favorite gay friend.
But seriously. What possible excuse could I come up with to ditch my parents on Christmas to go fuck him?
We're exchanging our favorite porn sites at 9 am. I think this brings our relationship to a whole new level
just woke up on the floor of my shower...it was still runnning
The hospital waiting room is starting to become a very familiar place to me.
No, I didn't meet up with him! That's when I had chlamydia.
If you can endure a laser on the butthole, you can endure a wax on the butthole. Those are words to live by.
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