I feel like dying is the new "adopt an african baby"
I think the best way to start out any day is to watch 80's music videos. It's like visual wheaties.
Ok, but If I make this happen, my first born son gets to fuck your first born daughter
I vomited in the sink and my bra was in there...I don't even have words to describe this hangover confusion
Also I feel like 60% of our relationship is based on sausage mcmuffins.
We're too lazy too send a pic of out balls. Just assume this is a pic of our balls and respond accordingly.
My brother is wearing glitter eyeshadow and split leg skinny jeans
You've been usurped as King of the Gays
After what was supposed to be a one night stand I woke up to a message in my room wall written in marker "Kaitlin got it on in here" definitely a cock block down the road
The sun is gonna brush it's hairy dick across my forehead in the morning, gently whispering: "you're 4 hours late for work"
I think I accidentally agreed to be someone's surrogate
I just noticed that pic of your cock has a Christmas tree in the background. It's July.
He was wearing running shoes tho. Thats like the cardinal rule. You don't fuck a guy who wears running shoes as regular shoes.
AND I woke up to eggs in my bra. Thanks Taco Cabana...
You and your dick were a topic of high regard tonight
You were licking skittles to check if they were "halucinateizers" so no, you are not leaving the house while on antibiotics.
Randomize
