halloween makes it hard to decipher real cops... from sexy men dressed up as them.
Fell into a man hole last night. I've been bleeding since 11pm. Got kicked out of the bar for being bloody.
I knew she was going to get knocked up just by looking at her facebook pics
She was trying to fuck the exchange student from France. His English is really bad and the music was loud so she just pointed to a beer bottle and then her vagina.
I'm not holding out much hope. She met me in a nighclub when I was arguing with the cigarette machine
I just tried to text you by typing "whoa" into my contacts.
2 reasons we need to wear those onesies to the bar more ofter 1) comfy as shit 2) we both still got laid\n\nHow can you resist that kinda night?
He's not replying to my booty call. Like wtf. You have ONE PURPOSE IN LIFE.
I have woke up on a strange couch, in a strange house, on another campus. Can you Friend-Find me and pick me up?
WINE AND FILM. TALK ABOUT AN UPGRADE FROM NETFLIX AND CHILL.
I don't think he likes that I'm always sending him pictures of me in my bra but he needs to get it together
I got home at 1 am on a weeknight with lube in my hair. I'd say it was a successful first date.
He struggled for a second trying to unhook my bra and I said "4/10. Novice."
Omg dude take a shower. You'll feel like god washed away all the sinful shit we did last night.
oh what is to come when my single life starts with a threesome?
Randomize
