ok this guy next to me just sat down with a no joke, 10,000 page book, popped an addy, cracked open a red bull and opened the book to page 1.
he thought he was parachuting out of a plane... talk about a bad trip.
How do I introduce myself to her without coming off as "the guy who jacks-off to her profile pic"?
I'm not 100% sure, but I think someone gave me a bath last night...
I just realized there's an entire generation of children that will never know Alex Trebek had a mustache... Sad.
Well, it's either jungle juice or memory of the night... It's unfortunate I can't have both
First of all, I don't like eggnog. Second of all too much rum is all bad. And thirdly I'm not there to sit in your lap and pretend you are Santa and I've been a bad girl.
I don't know what possessed you to do that, but you have to give the stripper more money before you try to check her oil or they are going to throw us out every time you do that.
I dont know what we smoked last night but I woke up and found out I started writing a book called White Trash Princess. Its the best thing Ive ever read
my pupils became my eyes and i slept with a cloth in my mouth again
Nothing better than going to Mass on Easter Sunday with "I love penis" henna tattooed across your back. Love your Indian culture.
After the keg stand you collapsed, hit your head on the floor, started seizing and after 20 seconds got back up and said "hah, I remember my first beer"
All I know is that I have a black eye and an extra $200 in my wallet. Other than that, clueless.
It's almost like sex was the ice breaker and now we're sociable at the gym
Why is there a wet sock in my garbage? Why did I chug so much red wine? Why was someone signing into my iCloud account at 4 am in China? Why do I do self-destructive reckless things? So many questions.
Randomize
