Is it bad that I voted for Scott Brown because I want to fuck him?
Nah. I did too.
Alright this has to stop. Without adderall I don't even have the motivation to get laid. College has ruined me.
so, the parking garage attendent caught us humping in the car. long story short, we have free parking whenever we want! take that abstinence.
Why the FUCK can i grow hair on my big toes but not on my chest?
i decided what we are doing for your 21st b-day: camelbacks filled with margaritas
She started crying and told me to leave half way through, I'm walking down main with a bottle of patron and a sweatpants boner.
this better not be you asking for a beej
Curse you and your alcoholic milkshakes.
You're welcome.
Its okay I walked into your house, searched for my wallet in your purse, and took a shot of Tequilia all without eye contact, right?
Bro she gave me the stare. It's like she boned me with her eyes. I'm going in.
The only thing stopping me from having sex with you in my parents jacuzzi bathtub is the knowledge that they've already had that idea themselves
Yeah man i woke up and only had a Jimmy John's wrapper covering myself..
Remember when we partied so hard that dude died and it cockblocked you hooking up with my sister?
I forgot that happened. That's the second dude that died on a vacation I've been on
Guess what I signed up for?!?!?!
Please tell me you're not selling your eggs.
A shark bit my leg in the Gulf of Mexico well me and the T were banging so look for it in the papers
Just told my dad about my heroic mailbox showdown. He looked at me strange. I think he thinks I'm high.
You are high.
Randomize
