Tell me exactly where it said it wasn't a unisex bathroom.
My unemployment check should really just be direct-deposited into the checking account of my drug dealer
I need a leather bustier to keep them in.
Too kinky for 11:30am. Stop that.
At least drunk you showered before switching sex partners last night.
He's 11. You dont draw dicks on 11 year olds, i dont care if he ate your lasagna
How did it go last night?
Woke up head half shaved and a burrito? So good and bad?
Idk every story shes told me thats started with "back when i was a lesbian" has been my new favorite story
soon, soon....
I don't believe you anymore. You're like the boy who cried coitus.....
You know, part of me wants to die and the other part of me doesn't want to live
Yeah, the email that I was sending to get an Escort for the weekend, copied and pasted to my boss, that should be interesting conversation, when I come back from Christmas vacation break.
I think I need to start sobriety testing my Tinder dates.
Cancelling your gym membership calls for alcohol.
My brother is so high right now he's eating frozen peas and called them "fucking delightful"
woke up and you werent here...its ok if we're never going to speak again but my furry hand cuffs are missing and i would like them back. thanks.
I'm hungover and eating lunch at an elementary school. The children are barking. Litrealy barking, like dogs.
Randomize
