It's fine actually... I'm pretty sure he had the crookedest weiner in the world anyway.
Like he had it hanging in the wind and you just decided, "nope, I don't think that one's for me." ????
God no! I could just feel it. His clock said it was 8:00 when, clearly, it should have been midnight.
we're drinking boxed wine and eating string cheese. It's like a wine tasting for poor people.
It's a shame that I don't know his last name. Actually, it's an ever bigger shame that I don't know his first name
She told me to stay away from him cause apparently he fucks anything that walks. clearly i responded with..."i walk"
At one point I was double fisting both beer & ice cream. I love public events in this town.
It wasn't until that morning that I realized I wasn't actually dreaming, finding myself in the bathtub with someone laying on me
of all the people in our graduating class, this is exactly who would get pregnant.
i have a wrist watched drawn on my wrist that it says shot o clock
Ask her if said friend is decent looking or a wildabeast. Need to know if I need to top these 8 coronas off with a little tequila.
nothing says 4th of july like teaching grandma how to work a keg
Never let him bartend when he's tripping. He sprinkled a ton of mexican shredded cheese over a jack and coke and called in a Monterey Jack Daniels.
My friend had to carry her up the steps on his shoulder, and then she got up, found an ironing board and set it up in my friend's room just in case he needed to iron things.
The alcohol tastes like we did a beer run at the nail salon
And then I discovered that while drunk last night I called the NAACP and left an angry voicemail demanding they fix the racism at my school
Why would you keep yourself in a sharting situation
Randomize
