Jerry, you need to find god
I should have bought two bottles, she left before I could feel her tits...
it's not gay if you rub your penis between their butt cheeks and pretend they are tits
on the list of things id be doing when i was almost 30, waiting for a girl to finish shitting the bed wasn't on there.
I just went in my fridge and said to my turkey "see you thursday". I seriously have issues
It's underwear night and I am literally in the bar wearing nothing but underwear and flip flops.
You leave a trail of fuck everywhere you go
i know this sounds kinda weird but his cock smelled like fabric softener. it was so refreshing.
I just had a brazillian performed by a hungarian named olga. Im pretty sure she was trying to rip out my soul. You owe me a million orgasms
I always forget that visiting my hometown is like a who's who of ugly people.
A beer is a heart your wish makes!!!
Then she looked me straight in the eyes and asked me if I missed my foreskin. Weirdest conversation ever.
It's pretty telling that my resolutions all involve who I will sleep with in 2014.
It's important to play to your strengths.
It's the 3rd day of the year and I've already sucked two dicks. New year same ole me.
So the door man at the local dispensary started giving me motivational talks about my beard...
Randomize
