I tried to gradually lead her into my room but she wouldn't stop crying and quoting memoirs of a geisha
birthday sex, birthday sex, birthday sex
I'm on my period, period, period
laughing at 16 and pregnant while fucking w/o a condom....
i always knew you were classy
he nicknamed his dick "too big to fail"
I just won unlimited hot dogs for life. I'm so glad I smoked
Well, there are worse ways to make $50 at a gay club.
I need to find my pants, a way out of here, and a cheeseburger.
Need help. Super baked. Stuck on couch. Dying of thirst. Bring paint thinner or something to pry me off. Only thumbs and neck work.
I don't text first unless I'm hammered...so ya I text first a lot
oh wow I have been there. Hell one time Matt and I woke up naked with pizza rolls in the bed.
Do you know how I hurt my ankle or my shoulder? Or the origin of any of the following mystery bruises: left quad, left wrist, right elbow. Thanks for playing.
now to finish some work and then i think i'll work out. or garden. or at the very least I'll continue eating frozen grapes and take more drugs
Must be why he thought choking was foreplay. Like WTF? No.
Just sold our expired ticket for a free night of bowling to a drunk guy downtown for 50 bucks. Ill buy beer on my way home
Omg, new summer goal: sex in a bouncy castle.
Randomize
