I puked a lego.
is there anything more depressing than unpacking condoms from your suitcase that you thought you were going to use on vacation?
At this point do you think buying mom a pot plant would be funny or highly inappropriate?
Why are you always at the walk in clinic, Lady Chlamydia?
You're not allowed to make that my permanent nickname.
All I wanted was a quiet evening to masturbate and eat cake and instead you ruined it by bringing girls over.
I'm eating Doritos that I crushed up n put in a cup so I only have to chill minimally.
"willing to pay anyone fun whos willing to hang out and laugh at my jokes while my friends are MIA" is this to desperate?
my spring break was before theirs and i literally fed him vodka all week, only stopping for class and bowls. like handles. i cant even think anymore, that chastity belt was hard to get off,
He just snapchatted me a picture of his cock. The angle makes it look like a freakin skyscraper. Thinking of photoshopping a little monkey on it.
Guess what I'm doing tonight? Tacos and strip chess.
My ex came over to hook up...then I went on a date 2 hours later and got a bj. Single: Finally doing it right.
sweet sixteen by hillary duff just came on and i feel like i let lizzie mcguire down for being such a stoner
I just slipped on ice and peed on my pea coat. There's a pun there but I'm too sad to make it
Our sibling relationship has really blossomed into a wonderful mutual acceptance of sluttyness
Are you trying to say I've made an emotionally well rounded transformation similar to the Grinch?
Randomize
