booty call
i swear to god if you come over i will kick you in the pussy.
the young, male pastor of my church has a jesus fish tramp-stamp. I made him show me.
She just sent me a picture of a heart. I need to stop fucking freshman...
A guy in a big stork costume just came to our meeting to give us condoms and t-shirts telling us not to get pregnant. Only at college
I just heard someone say "gosh-darnit" and they didn't have a southern twang. I worry for New York.
I'm just here to guide your spirit, avoiding herpes is on you though
I went around and congratulated every guy that had a beard for having one
Goddamn tequila
Yes, he made a MIX CD for our booty call...
He was running late for work this morning, so I helped him out by finding a matching pair of black socks. And I hated it. So I'm currently drinking and reminding myself of the reasons I will never get married.
What's the place called?
I searched "county" on google, but....there's a lot of results
His dad gives me dirty looks whenever I come over though. I think it's because I eat his food and have sex with his son.
Dude, there are some things that you can't un-see. Her, beached on a dog bed, is one of them.
We played 2 very competitive games of Jenga and then fucked our brains out... BEST. RELATIONSHIP. EVER.
I cannot believe I accepted his penis into my body.
You sent me a very drunk love letter
Was it the one about pterodactyls?
I was disappointed I thought you actually loved me
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