I have a running excel spreadsheet detailing the number of shots in a night and subsequent ability to masturbate
Just wana tell you im wearing assless jorts tonight. Ive been waiting my whole life for this.
We asked an illegal alien to buy us beer. He didn't even want a tip. I'm going to Washington to plead that case.
Sorry for feeding you peanuts last night while you were sleeping, you looked hungry.
The forest. Magic mushrooms. Wind trees leaves sky. That is alll.
I feel like I'm on let's make a deal. should I go with what's behind bulge number 1 or bulge number 2?
Pretty sure the purpose of joining wine clubs isn't to drink the 2 bottles they send you each month IN THE SAME NIGHT.
We can't be fuck buddies. You stare into my eyes while we fuck.
If you don't want me in your apartment then lock your door better
Fell twice in five points. on my face. literally during a cross walk. The cars just went around me. 21st birthday memories right there
I feel like parents watching our children. You want to step in and help them but you just have to let them make their mistakes
She said if her future children dont have blue eyes she wont love them
Running my fingers through my hair is like that scene from Patch Adams where the girl goes swimming in a pool of spaghetti. I love molly.
I want to have sex with Will Smith. I guess I have a thing with 90s sitcom stars. Stamos, Joey Lawrence, John Goodman.
He and I tag each other in memes all day. You could say it's getting pretty serious.
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