I think she heard me call her a fat skank. But she was to be fair.
I saw her while sober, and she is definately cut off from the penis ride
I think, one-on-one, Paul Rudd could be very threatening in like a REALLY good way.
This unplanned pregnancy thing is really taking all the fun out of football season.
so i havent checked yet but im almost positive that my left ass cheek is bruised. any idea what happened last night.
what the fuck man? i was JUST texting you the same thing. FUCK
She's going to get me a sippy cup for christmas. If I can't open it, I can't have any more to drink. Seem reasonable?
Hurry up. Some creepy guy with a "God is vengeful" flyer is asking where I wanna go most today. I think he's going to chop me into pieces.
she found out just an hour ago that she might have cervical cancer. either way we're watching 50/50 and taking a shot of patron anytime anyone says cancer.
You told her to step on the scale because you had whiskey goggles, and scales don't lie.
Just thought you should know the man you CHOSE to father your children has once again fallen asleep on the toilet. thanks mom
Drunk. But sober enough to know I hate gymnastics.
An image of us stuck like that like Pompeii comes to mind. A wonder for future anthropologists
Before he comes over remember the house standards. Ask yourself "will he stalk my sister or myself in the future?". If the answer is yes, then no, he isn't allowed.
They asked me my level of pain at the hospital and I told them I called my ex 6 times
How naked do you want me to be?
Randomize
