mmmm my 21st bday fucking sucks all my best friends are pregnant...selfish assholes. they just couldnt wait til after my bday.
He came all over my face... then said "YOU HAVE BEEN ROBBED!"
What's this douchebags name?
Rob...
He freaked out when I started to orgasm. He said he never knew girls could orgasm too.
im not picky. i just want someone whod go down on me while im writing my psych midterm paper. thats not a lot to ask.
Close your eyes and stop texting and think about puppies. You'll be fine.
Juss got out of jail; shes still in there tryin to sing her abc's backwards bc the cops neva asked her too... Whebever she gets to t she starts singin the tequilla song
I just listened to "Eye of the Tiger" and did 5 shots to prep going over to see him.
We had sex on the beach. I was completely naked except for my sneakers. That's when you know
Just saw the guy I slept with last night in a bar. He gave me a high five and kept moving
She's been drunk for three days now
Like three straight days. 72 hours
She's been covered in glitter for the last two and somehow she found a monkey
Apparently I called him, said "vodka" and then hung up on him.
In my dream I had to eat so many peanut butter and Nutella sandwiches
where did we go last night? there's dollar bills all over my room & they're all wet.
Just let me suck your dick and be happy. Let me have this.
Other than the whole stab wound in my leg thing, today was pretty good. The nurses all loved me and gave me a sandwich and juice.
Randomize
