I just realized that he was my first random hookup that didnt cause a massive breakup or divorce. Im starting to grow up
something isn't right. i offered to be his sex slave and he declined..
I came home to my brother stoned out of his mind. He got a high score on COD and asked me to have a celebration yogurt with him.
did i mention he attempted to milk her in backseat?
Are you scared? I basically plan on us looking like giant drunk skittles
You kept challenging people to a cartwheel contest...when someone finally agreed, you cartwheeled into some chicks face, then tried to propose to her as an apology. Fyi, she said no
Drunk me Does not appreciate a drunk, naked you kicking me off the couch at 3am. You have a bed here, you dick
Remind me to tell you a really funny story about me and arson.
My dad picked me up from the bus station and as soon as he saw me he yelled "bus backwards is SUB!" and started laughing, I'm like 800% sure he's stoned. I'm so happy I came home for spring break.
She made this little rubber cap thing that looks like a brain to go on my dick. She calls it a "penis cap". Industrial design students are weird...
i don't know if this is a cannibal joke or a sexual innuendo, and i think that's a beautiful description of our relationship.
I found one of those wine glass confetti bits in my ass crack.
this is the second day the intern has gotten me coffee. he either wants to bang me or thinks I'm more important than I am.
either way he's in for disappointment
Looks like a sea otter shaved my vagina. Keep an eye out for me this weekend, no one can see this.
Is constant horniness a medical condition? Because a husband, a boyfriend and an office side piece should be enough penis for one girl - but they’re not :-(
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