i'm in his bathroom *freshening up* and he not only has a hairdryer... but a straightener. get me out of here... NOW
He kept asking me to take off my bra and I sat up so he could. He fumbled with it for a few minutes and when I sighed and went to undo it he goes, "Yeah, you got this."
He is going to sleep with me. That's all there is to it. I'm 4 for 4 right now. I'm not making it 4 for 5.
Should we pre-order food to the ER for cinco de mayo?
You kept making that girl eat peanuts, saying they were good for her baby..... I don't think she pregnant
In a weird way, I don't want to stalk him on Facebook. I want to find out what's wrong with him the old-fashioned way. Is this what it means to be romantic?
I was trying to be quiet until started to feel like my cock was being dipped in a rainbow and then I stopped caring temporarily
I gave him shit for taking my sloppy seconds and when I woke up my eyebrow was gone
The feeling I get when I hear beer bottles clinking must be what children feel when they hear sleigh bells on Christmas Eve
I am going to tweet NASA until they put me into space
Those rocketship riding assholes need the common man
haha it's ok, I asked people. I was like "I'm high and lost" and the dude just said "That's my life. Love it."
We are all yelling at the cat at our apt in nothing but our underwear. How do you think it's going.
Stop leaving buckets of wine at my house.
I got home at 1 am on a weeknight with lube in my hair. I'd say it was a successful first date.
I refuse to go to a doctor for a sex injury, not when I've come so far already
Randomize
