I woke up wearing no shirt sleeping next to a half-eaten grilled cheese.
Well did you call the grilled cheese yet? Or r u waiting the usual 3 days?
I have carpet burn on my ass, I'm rethinking my decisions last night.
im pretty sure there are laws against slapping prostitutes
i'm pretty sure there are laws against prostitutes.
you might want to delete the history when you're done using the computer at work. did you ever find out what the white balls in your throat were?
she's basically destroyed all of the faith i had that skinny blond girls could be a functioning part of society.
She was so high she ate a little piece of weed off her pants and thought it was food.
Just bought a german beer stein with tuition cash. no regrets
Nope. She just screamed at me "YOU WERE A FAILED ABORTION" and "I'LL PUT ANTHRAX IN YOUR PILLOW YOU LITTLE FUCK". Best mother award ever
He gave me a trycicle he stole from a kid as an "offering" to have sex. I couldnt say no when he went through all that.
Current status: Finding an unwrapped portion of Subway sandwich in my purse at the pharmacy counter & picking pieces of tomato off my wallet while the pharmacist watches disdainfully.
Did you offer her some?
If only. Current status: Not that clever.
Now, one of you come feed me, the other read me my physics book...I'm too hungover for this shit...
So we were in bed when his brother walks in, walks over to me, fist bumps me and says he just wanted to say hi, then leaves...so random lmao
I was shitfaced. I filled my contact case WITH TANNING LOTION
I think everyone at the office can tell I'm dehydrated
you mean still drunk
I've heard it both ways
He kept spinning my wedding ring like thanks buddy I remember
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