wait, do i give off the impression that i DON'T want girls to show me their boobs if i video chat with them?
Exactly. I don't do penetration on the first date. Blowjobs however are perfectly acceptable.
I encourage the greeting beej. It determines if the dick is worth keeping around.
Ive either hit rock bottom or become my own hero.
just threw up into the cup of Gatorade I was hoping would settle my stomach. thanks again, alcohol.
he saw my emergency pass-out-in-the-bathroom-after-drunken-puking cot in the bathroom.
Birthday Coupon: This text is good for alteast 3 hours of Birthday Sex. Redeamable any time, anywhere, and any style.
while you've been gone this has kinda turned into some sort of fivesome-type thing. just thought i should warn you for when you get back
just found gum connecting my sunglasses to my floor board. you don't want to know where else it was.
He told me he felt like he shoud say thank you and as a prize i could keep anything from his room that i wanted.
remind me to get a blood sugar test this week. I'm pretty sure I'm a mojito away from diabetes.
Considering adding a large amount of vodka to my tomato cup-a-soup at work. Save me.
Haha. I got you. I always pay you back somehow. Do you accept all major forms of payment: cash, taco bell, and patriotic underwear?
I saw that you sent me a photo and the first thing out of my mouth was "I swear if it's another photo of a dick poking out of a bubble bath"
That moment when you sit down to shit and someone is watching porn on the other side of the wall.
I’m photoshopping my boobs to up my Tinder game. I need better dick in 2020
Randomize
