I painted my nails silver
And what are the implications of that?
Is there supposed to be a msg in that? Just thought ud like to know it looks like I fingerbanged an alien
He yelled "HERE COMES THE WARMTH" before he pissed his pants. In front of the whole party.
Fucked her within an inch of her life. Seriously. Don't choke bitches when they ask. Was way too drunk to be pulling that shit.
how do i say "thank you for the blowjob, but never talk to me again" without crushing her?
he just asked if we wanted to go to an arts and crats club with him tomorrow. every day it becomes harder for me to defend his sexuality
some guy i've known for a week sent me nudes saying "you're welcome" i need an award for this birthday
we walked around the neighborhood with caution tape tied around our foreheads, making indian noises. I might have disturbed a crime scene to make a native american headdress.
My pussy is making all kinds of justifications that my mind would have no patience for if it was still in charge
Well for starters, her tits were hairy.
I didn't even realize I grinded on a security guard last night. Shit. Did he at least like it?
My code for I need help will be if I'm holding a bud light lime..
Pretty sure I just puked up sand. And nothing else.
I just set up a proportion to calculate how much Jolly Rancher vodka I can make with the limited amount of Jolly Ranchers I have. Finally, real-life application of math.
the roommate is literally cooking green eggs n ham, and I'm too hungover to see straight. Dr Seuss nightmare.
would it be okay if I showed up at your house naked? and is your door unlocked?
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