Okay, I have a threesome with foreigners and suddenly I'm a man-whore
i don't know what kind of porn he watches.. but that is NOT how you do it...
sitting in my room eating a boneless rib tv dinner, and listening to taylor swift's love story, and i sharted. had to finish the ribs and hear the end of the song before i went to the bathroom to wipe.
Maybe you should have studied instead of worrying about who is going to have sex with you
Someone sharpied 'shit show' on my tits. Someone with excellent penmanship
A kid in my class brought a George Foreman and cooked food mid lecture. When the prof found out, all the kid did was ask if he wanted some.
We made the bar tender tell us how he proposed to his girlfriend. In detail. While we made gushing noises. We are embarrassments to females everywhere
The only thing I remember is doing a toddlers and tiaras dance routine onstage. I fucking CURTSIED.
OMG stop. Pretty feet? Sparkle baby!
Liz is crying about burritos again.
He sent me a mirror pic of himself and sent it to me and all i could think about was the amazing bong hits i took with his roommate in that bathroom.
I came home wearing somebody's thong. If you're missing one message me privately.
My neck is PURPLE. This is NOT a good day to be indoctrinated by the cardinal...
If you don't see me at the bar tomorrow night, I was most likely captured by the communists.
I think I've done enough damage with my vagina as of late, thank you
I don't want a big night. But I am okay if we wake up in a penthouse at Crown Casino.
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