You just compared our sex life to a seven year old kid.
yes, we have a friends with benefits thing. i found out he had never 69'd, done anal or had a threesome. i told him i was going to rock his world.
and what did he say?
there were no words. he looked like a kid on christmas morning.
what kind of wine goes with anal sex and shame?
its time for step 4 of getting over him: post his number on the transvestite page on craigs list asking for pics
For your information i will be shotgunning whiskey on may 21st.
its so hard to text. the buttons are tickling my fingers
Hey it happens. Think of it this way- you didn't wake up in jail, your face wasn't inexplicably busted and you still have all your teeth. In this group of friends, you're on top!
I have to be at work in a hour. Can you sufficiently fuck me in 35 minutes?
I'll even be awesome and bring pizza for your family, just as a "hey thanks for letting a stranger get trashed at your house" gesture.
Why is it that when I sustain a serious injury people are more concerned with my level of inebriation than my personal safety?
I was walking back to the dorm and was made fun of for wearing a coat. I'M SORRY I CARE ABOUT MY WELL BEING.
I'm just down here gazing up into your ivory tower of nudes
Also, if you don't fuck me soon, I will die. I don't want to die like that.
Thank you for being so charming, but do you have syphilis?
as i was trying not to drunkingly fall off her toliet, i noticed her socks laying there. i quickly grabbed them, ran upstairs, and excitingly asked her if she had gotten them at sams club. she replied with, "...those are your socks."
Randomize
