I just encountered the most annoying guy on the planet. I wanted to slap his milkshake out of his fat-boy hands while he was talking to me at the same time as slurping his liquid fat.
I love milkshakes.
Not the point.
You fought the bouncer and lost, then challenged a hobo to a 40 chugging contest and lost. Sobriety is a good life choice.
having sex with him is like cage fighting mixed with pilates...the condoms didn't stand a chance...
can you just act like it's not so easy to get a blowjob from me??
He stumbled out of the bar bathroom at 3:30 am with his jeans unzipped and his dick hanging out - it was the physical manifestation of "blackout with your cock out"
It was the best of bangs; it was the worst of bangs.
WHAT THE FUCK JASON, WHY IS THERE A FREE BLOW JOBS BY LISA SIGN IN MY FRONT LAWN WITH MY PHONE NUMBER ON IT?! PEOPLE ARE PULLING INTO MY DRIVEWAY!
All i hear is "BITCH BETTER HAVE MY HONEY" and i turn around and there is a dude in a bear costume. It was fur real.
Please ask me to tell you about the time I watched two of my friends chase my drunk roommate with a broken foot around downtown
I drank, I fought, I made my ancestors proud.
And then someone hit me with a pool cue
I was afraid she wouldn't be able keep up but I woke up in a bathtub, she called me a pussy and made me pancakes.
The power of the half flaccid cock, and to think, I thought I was just playing accordion in front of her Vagina!
I used my mad pharmacist skills to turn ordinary birth control into morning after. I think my professors would be proud.
Remember when we got high off our ass and you talked me into running in place then punched me in the face and said it was a wall?
Ya, you were bleeding for an hour and a half
I have bruises everywhere an I broke the lamp. So ya I'd considerate rough sex.
Randomize
