i got lost in a forest last night. this morning I realized the "forest" was just 6 trees on campus.
Omg just saw this kid I went to elementary school with at the bar and he used to be cool and I was so awkward but now I have boobs so I WIN.
I think I've given more of my business cards to Chipotle trying to win free burritos than anyone else
Woke up with puke in my bed and my pockets full of Tootsie Rolls.
Jealous.
he swears he got herpes from a bowl of soup
I dont know how to say this. But the hottest girl where im at has one arm.
I can't break up with him, I ran the math. Taking into account his 7 inch penis and the standard deviation from average, almost 90% of guys should have a smaller penis than he does.
Really? Penis math? This is why guys shouldn't date female engineers.
She apparently grabbed another girl and pulled her into the shower fully clothed. When the girl was like "you need to stop" she curled up into a ball and refused to leave.
Whoa, you know how to pick em.
Please be advised that because of last year's "incident" we will no be starting St. Pat's day with spicy breakfast burritos and car bombs. Please plan accordingly.
There was blow residue on my chem book and my TA was like, did u stain your notebook with CaCO3?
First of all you can never say anal too much. Second I now think you're a total gentleman.
Rarely has that paragraph ever been put together
It's all fun and games until your AARP eligible neighbors end up blacking out in your yard at 5pm with a box of franzia. I'm feeling a great year ahead
I made out with about ten people last night. And four of them were just on the way to my car from the bar. And one was my roommate.
Did I tell you guys I was bisexual last night? I just had a flashback
In going to go underground and live with the mole people for a while.
Randomize
