4:33 am: Sleep on left side of my bed. T-shirts are second drawer on left side, boxers top right. I don't wake up when lights are on so feel free in my room..
Did your girl go home? Did she have fun? Can we have our friend back?
So for his birthday I'm planning on doing what stripper did when she put the matches on her nipples..lights them n makes him blow them out..SEE I AM dating material.
She's like Mona Lisa when she's intoxicated. No one understands her but they all think she's marvelous
Can you get arrested or in trouble for punching a dead relative in a casket?
It was an igloo shaped doghouse, I was obligated to hotbox it
He pulled his dick out during the Bourne Ultimatum, ruined it for me.
So neither of us had a dollar bill and we couldnt find a straw so we spent all nite doing coke through penne pasta
Sitting here reading the internet and all i have to show for this summer is a shitty tan and the possible case of clamidia.
i projectile vomited shoeless at 7:30 a.m. in a taco bell parking lot. never again.
Eye drops are like seatbelts of being high. Think about it
Wait. We seriously played strip beer pong at the bar last night. Who said I never came up with good ideas
I can't wait to see you again. It will be like when we first started dating- but with less clothes.
i look like i'm walk-of-shaming but i'm really showered and re-clothed and rallying. i fool everyone
i just realized i have only had sex on couches so far this year. i can't decide if that's impressive or trashy
Randomize
