also, i may or may not be wearing a cape right now. hint: i am.
I guess what I'm trying to say is you've fucked more people than the economy.
You are two creepy Justin Bieber quotes away from me not talking to you for the rest of the day
If I had a pelvic thrust emoticon, I would use it
there's no toilet paper. I'm using wheat bread.
the doctor brought back painful memories by lecturing me about your teeth marks that are still on my dick.
I really hope our interview with channel 6 last night doesn't air or else my parents are gona get a first hand look at my alcohol problem
The staff doesn't like it when you try and take your wheelchair for a joy ride since I've been waiting for an hour and a half.
Just found out drinking 6 trays of random shots makes me wake up on a club toilet with my underwear and jeans around my ankles
All I'm asking for is flower occasionally, and in return you get to come home to me naked in heels. Is that to much to ask for?
You'd think somebody who rolls blunts like jesus himself could roll a god damn burrito
My dick can't jump between your dick and her mouth, man. It's impossible, I think.
I don't understand why you aren't on this trip all I do is smoke weed drink beer and get fingered
Is it OK to disqualify a potential therapist if she lists 50 Shades of Gray as her favorite book? Or is that a good thing?
Next time a party gets busted lets get a group photo first.
I'm going to target high, just in case I ask you where my paycheck went later
Randomize
