that thing about your dad's boner was meant to be a compliment
Me and my dog bond so much when im high.
She just dipped a dollar bill in her queso dip and almost ate it before I slapped it out of her hand, no more bar crawls..
my phone calendar just alerted me that it's "weed time" in 15 minutes. do not remember setting that alert last night...
We had phone sex and he came in his sink. i will never eat off one of his plates again
we got hammered off table wine and i ended up biting my acrylic nail off so i could finger his butt.. ill never look at valentines day the same
The highlight of my night was definitely explaining the bandaid on my nipple.
idk. I was on the deck with Dominic and i felt something weird on my arm. I looked down and you were licking my elbow.
Guess who just screamed "Everything happens for a reason!!" in the abortion clinic. This girl.
every Thursday i draw one of my friends names out of a hat to choose who i will drunkenly text all weekend
My fake id got more birthday sex than I've had in my life.
Ive never seen a drunk man get suplexed before last week, now its the standard requirement every time we go out.
Why is it that the asexual in our group is the one that gets laid the most often??
Well that didn’t go as expected.
I mean, it ended in you giving each of them a blowjob, so it kinda did.
there is definitely a hickey on my left nipple.
Randomize
