Walked home this morning with my contacts in a shot glass.
First class.
I'm in the dining hall. that same guy is here again, the one who sits alone and talks to his silverware.
Cognac is not meant to be taken in shots. I just wanted you to know the desperation of last night.
you started looking at my couch laughing and saying to it "she thinks I'm talking to you" then proceeded to laugh and talk to the couch some more.
Where the royal fuck are you??
The depths of vodka hell.
Zombie crawl summary: 5 of 6 friends successfully laid. friend 6 too drunk to care and making out with a whale (not a costume)
Casually on the bus at 830 in the morning with a box of cheezits and a bottle of fireball sticking out of my purse....
Nothing says male bonding like watching porn with your grandpa
She went outside in nothing but her panties and came back inside 15 minutes later wearing a different pair of panties.
Yeah I'd rather get obliterated at home.
Same here. I'd like to ensure that I won't get pissed on.
And I wasn't CONVICTED of a felony, I just committed one
Is this what it's like to be an adult? You plan out play dates for your vagina?
fuck off. It's 10am and I'm drink gin and ginger ale through a twizzler straw. My life is marvellous
Note to self, the correct response when a guy tells you he likes you as a person is not "ew"
Flight got cancelled. Stayed in the same hotel as the flight crew so now I can cross Sex with Pilot off the bucket list
He regularly flies into DC, so I’m going to sign him up for my Frequent Flyer program!
Randomize
