i woke up to see him pissing on your n64. thats like killing a unicorn. punishable by death for sure.
That drug basically just makes anything that's in your mouth awesome
If it looks really sketchy and smells like burnt pizza and pot you're in the right place
I'm high and craving hash browns from McDonalds. Please pick me up. I also would like a hug and a supportive pat on the back when you get here. Thanks.
Its two in the afternoon. McDonalds don't sell hash browns at 2 in the afternoon. Whore. The hug I can provide however.
Whoever owns the butter that i always steal out of the office fridge definitely put THC butter in there this time. Shit just got real.
So we reenacted men's olympic skeet shooting using roman candles and flattened beer cans. That's all
Downloaded the Pocket Penguin app. There are now penguins living in my phone. Technology is wonderful.
I'm actually kinda upset that we didn't consider velcro-ing detachable capes to our clothes before this moment.
So i stood up out of the sunroof while he gave me oral. Car was still moving. Exactly how illegal is that?
I gave you chlamydia, you gave me a concussion. Now we're even.
How are you supposed to wish the guy you send nudes to good luck for the first day of his new job??
I want you to know I am at work super hungover and I threw up in the mop sink. I feel like you will appreciate this
You're my fucking hero
I'm pretty sure I have PMS because I almost just cried about not being able to find a place that gives acrobat classes here.
I banged a marine last night. No wonder everybody respects them.
No. I'm home alone and 100% dickless. I hate my life.
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