How did your new apartment party go last night?
I'm really happy i have a bigger bathroom to puke in.
She punched my vomit. In midair. Back into my mouth.
Life lesson learned last night, if you are too drunk to use the atm leave the strip club
i lost my airplane ticket and tried to board with a bar receipt in all the confusion. i have officially lost all brain cells in college.
I just took my birth control on the way to class with a 1/2 melted jello shot I happened to find in my purse from Friday night. I told you I was going hard this year.
It's either my own vomit or popcorn butter in my ear right now. Banking on the second one.
We made popcorn last night. So it's both
His cuteness will no longer contol my vagina
Dunno yet. Probably just gonna play the s.t.d. russian roulette game with random bartenders at the beach again. Same 'ol same 'ol
I think I want to impress his gay best friend more than him..
So feel off my bed lastnight into the trashcan. On the plus side i thought under my bed was a cave and i went exsploring
It's accurate though. I am legitimately passionate about pickles. I crave pickles the same way I crave sex. It is a deep rooted animalistic need
I'm at the level of despair that only Panda Express can fix
As if I didn't already know that I was in the friend zone, our conversation that included the words "kiddo" and "old friend" really was a knee biter.
He came on my favorite pants. He is dead to me.
I guess I can check "drink alone in the dark" off my bucket list
Randomize
