Guess who has two thumbs, loves booze, and just dug half a handle of rumb out of a trash can in a freshmen dorm? This classy gentleman. Good day to you sir!
There is something just so refreshing and wonderful about an uninterrupted morning poop in the office.
We just found a handle of vodka in our fridge and no one knows how it got there. God I love spring break.
whats a positive sounding word for "exploit"?
Also I'm 95 percent positive we ate food naked together
My only regret is that we didn't pee on our neighbors Prius
The only way I can describe the noise he makes when he has an orgasm: dying walrus.
I smell like a skunk, but I'm okay with that.
The guy I blew last night was pierced in multiple places. I had to use extra caution to avoid my temporary filling.
I only blacked out one night of three if that isn't fucking personal growth idk what is
I knew it was on when all she had to say about the handcuffs was 'I really hope these adjust tighter!'
Laziness has hit a new level. I'm out of clean sexy underwear and meeting a boy tonight so I'm having a thong delivered via post mates.
I would not recommend douching while drunk.
I danced my ass off after the funeral last night. Kept dropping it low and I can feel it in my legs today. Im like shit I needa go work out
What a way to honor the dead
What are you, a fucking toaster ?
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