it was like his penis was on wheels.
Just looked at my call log. I called Planned Parenthood at 3am.
she was like a sexier Rosie O'Donnel
I just saw that your im name has '4eva' in it. Your man card has been revoked.
We are going to get clementines. And shoot them out of a ballon launcher. That's after we come up to the ivy with a bullhorn and reck havoc. Where are you.
I just sold some kid a bong I made out of a vuvuzela for $50. I think I found my career path.
They left me passes out in the food donation bin with an empty handle and a half eaten box of nutter butters
I just threw up every bad decision and it hurts
Yep. I'm going to buy a sex toy and a LARP prop on the same trip. Welcome to my life.
Just drove by where I lost my sausage gravy virginity
You kept whispering to me that the guy making your burrito was an angel.
Are you saying being a wizard and going to hogwarts wouldn't be life changing, believe in magic you fucking muggle
Your pictures have evolved a lot over the years but I think your angry dick pic phase was one of my favorites
Well he had a nice beard and it smelled good so there was no way I wasn’t going home with him.
Didn't know my clit could produce that many orgasms in one night. Fuck my husband; think I might have to become a lesbian.
Randomize
