I'm so hungover that the internet is hard.
so i gave him head in the movie theater last night. thought we were alone til I heard the clapping from the other side of the theater after he'd finished.
I am growing concerned with the number of people here in cowboy hats
When I told her that her boyfriend was making out with another chick, all she said was "which one"
His penis is literally smaller than my cell phone. I can't go out like that.
I was trying to chase her off the carpet, but now there are figure-eights of cat vomit. everywhere
"just because you look like a short version of scarlet johanson does not mean I would immediately fuck you" that was the single.most difficult thing to say. but seriously I don't want the roots of the whore tree anywhere near my junk.
Like if a baby's bottom had nipples, that's how my boobs feel
btw I told him that the only way he was gonna get to eat you out was if he smothered your vag with grits..
I got about 15 snapchats from you with your hand saying "you want cheese sticks" or something like that and one of some weird looking weed
When in doubt, it's too much cheese
You are attracted to power and since you can't date the married old guy you have to go for the next best thing - his gay son
Wow I really just sharted up in this Kroger
Until you've snorted cocaine at 6am before your nursing school clinicals birthing babies you're not on my level
Apparently I showed all your grooms men my vagina to prove I did not have underwear on. Awesome
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