i guess. but if i can salvage this and still somehow see you naked i feel like that's a win
the #6 from wendy's when stoned is definitely better than sex. i dont care what anyone says.
i woke up with a shirt on. the kids in my daycare group had a lot of questions when i took off my shirt at the pool to reveal "property of brittany" written on my chest and an arrow pointing to my dick.
margarita scented body wash shouldn't be used the morning after cuervo. there should be a warning on the label.
we were fucking and all I could think about is how my silly bands were glowing in the dark.
You do realize I got a panda tattooed on my ass just to get you laid, right?
I wish you could see how much hot sauce and broken glass are in our apartment right now.
I accidentally peed all over the couch. It's safe to say I'm not welcome at that house anymore
So a list of things I should stay away from bringing up at dinner with your fiance tonight?
1) you and I went to a strip club 2) i saw you topless at said strip club 3) i cried when we watched the Real World
Of course drinkings involved. They don't call it alcoholism because we eat too many skittles.
Will i get arrested If i steal the salvatiion arny guys bell for ringing it to close to my hangover
She complimented my boobs and then told me I smelled like teddy bears before falling asleep on the floor.
Throwing up into Nora's potty chair while simultaneously having beer shits was truly the highlight of my Christmas season.
so then the cop took one last hit off our blunt and then drove off in his car and we just all stood there thinking, yea... that just happened...
Guess who just set half their backyard on fire.
Please tell me youre joking.
Nope. on the brightside though, im really gonna quit smoking this time.
Randomize
