im trying to pick out the cookie crumbs from my adderall. it is a lot harder than it seems.
in the middle of it he kept shouting: im going to be masturbating to this for the rest of my life
Ok I won't set anything on fire if you wear pants all night. This is a bet we're both destined to lose.
You never realize how many sex toys you have until you have to strategically hide them while moving out of your dorm.
Well I put her head right through the headboard. Thank god the room was under her name.
She bit me. She gave me a brief pity cuddle. I gave her an awkward backrub, somehow I thought it would be a good idea to include the vagina in that. It wasn't.
You convinced her to break up with her boyfriend, made out with her all night, got her to buy us all shots then went home with a different girl...
That explains the "i hate you" text. But the facebook deletion is a bit harsh
I have a cut on my head from a tambourine.
Most adult booty call ever. Ha. We got down to business and still got to watch the colbert report.
She judged ME for picking my nose when SHE has the clap.
Dude, you flipped off a cat from my balcony and yelled at it to get a house
and then I partied with my new dealers deaf pit bull. All around a good night I'd say...
how don't worse things happen to you?
I saw your dick pic and thought there goes the last thread of my heterosexuality.
Egg rolls and cum. Not my worst snack.
I wanna get to the point where I can just send a question mark and get an exclamation point in response
Randomize
