I just saw the girl you left with - Chris Hansen's looking for you
It would be worth it to see how drunk he is right now.
He cartwheeled into the side of the neighbor's garage.
Ok, i'm coming over
my brother is so whacked out on percocet from hurting his legs that he started crying because his belly button was so cute
just heard 2 nerds making fun of a girl for mispronouncing stochiometry. they followed it up by discussing the mathematical equation for getting laid. my day just became 100x better.
worst night to have a conscience
Get to the bar. Power hour leading up to the rapture.
The guy in the cast riped the tap off the keg and hit steve with it
By the way, i got bored and just started putting my balls on every object in your room. One at a time.
I feel like I'm going to get the reputation of being the girl who brings her dog with her to all her random hookups.
IT ISN'T. I'M A LITTLE HIGH.
YOU'RE ALWAYS A LITTLE HIGH.
NO. IT'S RARE THAT I'M A LITTLE HIGH. I'M ALWAYS HIGH AS FUCK. THERE'S A DIFFERENCE.
I'm just sayin. If your gonna cheat go for someone TOTALLY different. Fucking her twin would be a waste.
he can get married early and ruin his life but he sure as hell isn't ruining mine with a shitty bachelor party
EW FUCK GROSS GODDAMMIT I WENT DOWNSTAIRS AND MY GODDAMN BROTHER WAS FINGERING SOME GIRL ON THE FLOOR DOESN'T HE KNOW HE FUCKING LIVES WITH PEOPLE
I was trying to come up with a reason why you shouldn't be naked in front of me, and now I have 'If you give a mouse a cookie" stuck in my head
before i could order beers she was on stage 69ing with a stripper
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