Sometimes, dog treats look like people treats.
after a month anything with tits is on the radar
imagine if we didn have a dick. we would be so much more productive
So you had sex with my brother?
It sounds like you dont need me to answer that.
This is one of those times where I really wish my vagina could tell me what happened last night.
1.) You left the rest of your whiskey here 2.) I drank your whiskey 3.) then made a steam roller out of the bottle 4.) Everything tastes like whiskey
Hahah fuck. I keep looking to make sure that stupid line doesn't show up when my guards are down. Babies can sense fear.
Tomorrow, you will get a text, and it will bE spelled right, that's me yo, certify ya soon
He's on the bus now and took off his Amish hat so just his long ginger beard is present. Goodbye, majestic Amish ginger. Go forth and represent your minority well.
orgasmnado...tomorrow night
That's what I'm talking about
Just spent 10 minutes washing away my own puke. This gas station lady loves me.
Tomorrow we start training our livers for St.Patrick's day. May God be with us.
After my second liter of German beer, nothing D-cup or larger is safe near me.
So the door man at the local dispensary started giving me motivational talks about my beard...
Do you just want me to shit in a Jack-o-latern
Randomize