i suspect the closest i'll get to a valentine this year is a 16 year old on chat roulette asking me to show my tits. step up from last year, i guess.
yeah...i noticed he pets people when he's drunk. It's odd.
FUUUUUCK she froze all my quaters inside the ice cubes again
You were so excited to be getting 4 tickets to the Whale Rodeo.... That high
I just had the stunning realization that I lost my virginity in a bunk bed.
I don't believe in coincidence. I believe in the stars aligning perfectly to sodomise me in public. Who ever said I was cynical?
I just sent you a multitude of sexual pictures...and you responded with a Charles Dickens Quote.
Found a phone out last night at the bar. EPIC homemade porn vids on it!
Just realized I've gone to court three different times with papers and a joint roller in my briefcase. #lawyeroftheyear
It made me want to take you home, put you in footie pajamas and feed you spaghettios
My mom is currently drinking alone in our kitchen singing the Dixie Chicks to herself so, hey, alcohol is forever and we should not be shamed for its use.
He went to 7/11 first and came back with condoms and a banana "in case we get hungry"
I left the party 20 min ago..just thought i would tell you so you wouldnt think i fell in the lake again
Dude you where on that lil kids bike at 2 am ridin down the turning lane wearing only socks and a helmet singing born to be wild, no you weren't that fucked up
I wish i didn't black out tuesday so i could have cherished our moment together
Throwing up together is NOT a cherishable moment...
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