im so hungover...we just watched The Perfect Storm and i got seasick
I really need to learn how to handle sexual advances from older women
I wish I had your problem
WERE YOU GOING TO TELL ME THERE WAS A LOAF OF BANANA BREAD IN THE OVEN BEFORE YOU LEFT FOR A 5 HOUR SHIFT??
I learned 3 things lastnight....1. Turkeys are related to the t-rex. 2. Whales have leg bones cause they used to walk. 3. I will sing drunk in the waffle house, but not during karaoke in the bar
They evidently had to pull his penis out of me while we were passed out on the floor.
Bitch, I been tryna reach you all day to talk to you about these Dorito tacos.
I've realized that I'm going to have to wake and bake every morning to make it through the summer without killing someone. This is ridiculous.
this hangover isn't hhappening. im not letting it
its winning. its definitely happening
I'm definitely not at Wal-Mart eating jalapeno poppers with an elevated blood alcohol content
Thanks for the pic It's going to be lovely dealing with my boner while I'm in a meeting with your father.
If that orgasm indicates how the rest of the year is going to go, I need to buy rain boots.
THERE IS A VERY SMALL CHILD YELLING OUTSIDE OF MY DOOR. THE NEXT TIME YOU TELL ME YOUR TOO BIG FOR A CONDOM I'M GOING TO PUNCH YOU IN THE DICK.
I learned a valuable lesson about combining day drinking with malt liquor: you may think you have super powers, but that's just the Steel Reserve talking.
Fantasizing about the apocalypse is fun and shit until the conditions that could lead to one suddenly seem feasible
I don't trust him but hanging out with him might be fun
he's literally satan but yeah probably
Randomize
