Sometimes I wonder if my friend studies mystic Christian theology because he's afraid to come out of the closet. Evidently, it's okay to talk about God coming inside you, but not to say the same about dudes.
She said she didn't think she should have to shave either. Guess no shave November just became no sex November.
is it normal that we went to that class once and both got 100's on the final? ohhhh, arizona state.
I wish the holidays was like a drive thru. Get in. Get your presents. Get out.
Hold on there are flying pancakes I can't handle this right now
I called for backup and had two guys carry him to the shower. The bigger guy offered to wash his hair.
We didn't have a blender for the margaritas, so she tried to use the garbage disposal and wasted half a handle of my grandpa's good tequila.
Why is there a school picture of an 8 year old boy in my pocket...?
he got kicked out of the bar for falling asleep on the mechanical bull.. then freaked on us cause we wouldnt go to the strip club with him
I did not appreciate your texts about spanking at 3'o'clock this morning.
I'm chasing my vodka with snickers.
I WANT BLOOD. HERS. I WILL DYE A FABULOUS PAIR OF SUEDE PUMPS RED WITH HER BLOOD.
Ooooh no. Jesus take the wheel, or Moses. SOMEBODY TAKE THE WHEEL
He kept saying "i'm lost" while he was sitting on his couch...
I bought him flowers and fake vampire fangs, cuz there's really not a greeting card that says "Sorry I got wasted last night and started a very sloppy bloodletting ritual.".
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