I wish I could rss feed the hooker ads on craigslist because it looks suspicious that I check craigslist every hour.
hes so high that he's convinced hes a duck. hes squating in the bathtub quacking. that was NOT JUST pot.
I feel like college is just an experience in what names I can't name my future son.
Had to crawl to the kitchen this morning cuz I was too hung over but really wanted fruity pebbles. yes. I ate fruity pebbles on the kitchen floor.
Do you remember Kelly my alter personality? She talked like a man and would sing amazing grace?
Ok roommate is officially weird. Just watched her microwave the same broccoli 3 times in a row and cry b/c she fucked it up. Wtf lol
just found a someones bra in what seems to be a mix of pickle juice and vodka in my fridge. Who was over here lately?
My new best friend is the drag queen who works at mcdonalds and doesnt judge me during my walk of shame coffee break
Impromptu road trip to New Orleans for four days of Mardi Gras. I'll probably be alive and back for Valentine's Day plans, probably won't stick my dick in some random either-might be using my free pass you cheating asshat. Love you. Expect random texts & probably a drunk dial or twelve. You did this to yourself. You're not invited so don't bother. Have fun at work.
Oh okay. That's fine. I'll buy us both dinner when you bail me out
It's a post jail date
She kept asking for cigarettes, than just put them in her purse as "savings"
It hurts to hear and I can smell shapes.
That was a very uncomfortable conversation to have without pants on. But his mom was pretty cool about it.
He just stopped in the middle of undressing for sex to dip his slice of pizza in ranch. I think I’m in love.
I'm cuddly bitch. Deal with it.
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