HOLD UP I think she only has eight fingers...
I've been emailing with a woman. I don't think she's into me, but we've become sorta email buddies. I'm hoping to meet her because on her profile she states she's into 'fisting.' Frankly the thought kinda freaks me out but I'm dying to see what kind of woman is 1) into that and 2) admits it upfront.
I just got hit by a car. I'm fine; I'll be to the bars in about 15
So the girl in front of me was buying champagne too .. I wanted to be like "so are you celebrating clean test results too?"
creepy tank top guy is at campus health. he's hitting on a girl recovering from a panic attack.
Haha o man how much you've grown. From beer bonging wine and wearing cargo shorts to well, beer bonging beer and wearing cargo shorts
Just paid my credit card bill at the bar. This phone makes it so I never have to leave
Thank god for makeup because it looks like someone took a shit on my face
I tried to get you something for Valentine's Day too but they said they couldn't deliver skittles and ecstasy :(
Sooo the theme of my 21st is rapidly becoming Gay Mexico
rigging a system to keep my jello shots cold in class. important election day work.
Excuse me while I download incredibly disturbing porn until I'm more ashamed of myself than of my country.
If by some world ending natural disaster I get into an actual relationship with this kid, should I tell him the truth about the web of lies I've based our current relationship on?
So I think my motto should be "losing bras and dignity every weekend" but like in a really amazing way
Apparently I've texted the word shitfucked so much it auto-completes it now.
Randomize
