physics? naw man, teacher told us it was casual friday, so i decided to be super casual and not go.
im on my way to getting "i just graduated college with no money, no job, and no plan" drunk
and when he finished he started shouting "swim boys SWIM"
Everything about him screamed your future.
the only good thing about these hospital visits are the free pregnancy tests
Company party. Just told vp "you look like a cat person"
I've awoken at 3am again, in a night terror, just thinking about how big his dick was.
That was like a fiery explosion of flailing arms and wonderful passion
i just stole a 8 pack of olde english 40s and 2 roles of duct tape. we are going to make edward proud tonight.
I am gifting my birthday sex to you, but its okay because I can always just have birthday vibrator.
Haha. Fifty shades ain't got shit on me. My tits look like they got in a fight.
Btw I did not technically have a dick in me but I was naked in bed with a man during the last finals game so that is why the Warriors won
i regret nothing
brb throwing up in the dishwasher
i regret everything
I opened my eyes to the dog snorting coke, I decided it was best to just close my eyes and forget what I saw
I just woke and had to fish my phone out of a bowl of chili. I was wrist deep in it. WHO BROUGHT CHILI TO A PARTY?!
its not chili. and you brought it.
Randomize
