I'm being pulled over???
For what!?!?!
??? I'm in a cab!!!!!
im surrounded by empty glasses of chocolate milk WTF
Tonight was fucked up. First my mom called me and told me I had to go to the bar to pick up my dad 'cause he was drunk. Then when I got there my dad was doing a body shot from this lady who happened to be my 1st grade teacher. By far the most awkward car ride home. Idk if I should tell my mom or not.
Ridin mah bike see you on the moon
You found Muppets From Space a little too intense, so you just sorta sat on the ground and stared at the wall plug for an hour and a half.
Chick stood right next to me in the elevator. Like she had the whole elevator and she stood right next to me. So I farted.
Woke up to a huge puddle of water in the living room floor, apparently I made an indoor snowman.
come parachute off the vicodin airplane with meee
Well there is another shower in Nov. So I have three months to figure out how to get some drunk space fucking. May need some of your mead
Sweating vodka and spray tan, I feel like a trophy wife.
I should come with a disclaimer that reads "bad at relationships and defensive when confronted about it"
or maybe "WARNING: picks fights when bored"
You lost me at unexpected butt stuff. Everything else I would probably do.
would it be okay if I showed up at your house naked? and is your door unlocked?
ready for a night of bad decisions, horrible moral standards, and an unhealthy amount of illegal substances.
It's magical, I'm just dancing. It's like prom but by myself and with less clothes.
Randomize