the cashier wished me a happy fathers day while i bought condoms
Apparently getting drunk, buying a guitar from your local costco and walking in to an open mic night is not the same as rocking out to guitar hero...
Well I'm glad to hear the fight wasnt over his small dick.
Well, I'm eating cake, watching wedding videos of people I don't know, and crying. Clearly I'm a vision of mental health today
there's just a random girl here singing about how much she loves fiber
the point of no return was when you "drugged" his drink with glitter. face-planting on his dick was beyond.
The last thing I remembered was laying in the bathtub fully clothed with the shower running while he was picking grilled cheese out of my hair. I couldn't figure out if i was more upset about being soaking wet or the fact that my grilled cheese was in my hair instead of my mouth.
After he was done he gave me a case of landshark and tickets to tomorrows yankee game. This is the best nonrelationship ever
I flashed a party boat full of Asians yesterday, didn't I?
if i dont text back till morning its cause i turned my phone off and changed my password to something i wont remember to stop myself from drunk texting...RESPONSIBILITY
it was just another one of those moments where you unfriendzone a friend you assumed to be gay
Dude, you GARGLED with bleu cheese last night!
I'm sorry I lead life with my vagina.
I made him cum so hard he couldn't play video games for like an hour. I've never been more proud of myself.
I'll do anything with you, except downhill sports and butt stuff.
Randomize
