I saw a penis in my cereal this morning. do you think my cheerios are like professor trelawney's tea leaves?
one can only hope.
there is a baby dancing on the table amidst the smoke of multiple cigarettes. i want to trade lives with that baby.
I waited so long to accept his friend request that he canceled it. So I added him and when he accepted I deleted him. I wonder how long this will be funny to me
We had sex under a tree in his boss's backyard, then I hooked up with his best friend. I don't even care how I got home.
UPDATE: WE WILL BE HITTING THE BATMAN PINATA WITH A SWORD
Beer and cheesecake and spinning in cirlcles why did you let me do this to myself
I consider any night I don't make out with someone a bad night. So I've been great.
Hooked up with a girl in the dorm laundry room tonight. And got invited to go to Vegas for free. That's how today's going.
It's hard to hold down the snapchat button for video while thrusting. Sorry if the cinematography wasn't Oscar-worthy.
i will not be out-irished. not this night. if i don't wake up tomorrow handcuffed to a hospital bed, i have failed my ancestors.
Getting drunk in an Applebee's pray for me
Lord god protect this child
making my breakfast out of the pot brownies we made last night. Safe to say it's time to go grocery shopping.
They ran out of toilet paper so I used the rug to wipe my vagina
Just packed a snack to eat on the way to McDonald's. That stoned.
I don't know..He walked out of your room with a kraft single..and blood on his shirt...He really wanted cheese.
Randomize
