Wearing these hooker shoes was a mistake
she definitely has that "I'll bang you, but then I'll tell your girlfriend" look to her.
I'm drunk and I'm watching it's Alwyas Sunny and eating candy. Even I am jealosu of my life
he doesn't care that i have a boyfriend so why should i?
logic in its finest
She got mad when I told her I'd bone her mom. She got MORE mad when her mom heard, and was flattered by it. Proud to say I attract MILFS.
You were pretty dunk by the time you introduced the vase as your best friend.
I woke up with glitter in my wounds.
Why is there a video on my phone of us trying to snort a line of Reeces Pieces with you chanting "This is how fat girls party"?
Law school has no idea what kind of prospect they have coming in. I just convinced a cop not to take me to jail by asking him if he really felt like cleaning puke out of his car tonight.
Is it too early in the day to ask a nipple-related question?
They started shooting fireworks out of a dryer. It was my cue to leave.
I'm the girl holding the bag of goldfish
we had to invent a new word for how drunk I was last night
We broke into a construction site had sex on a scissor lift and realized it was a church...tomorrow again??
she threw up on her exam, awkwardly wiped it off with her sleeve and continued writing.
Randomize
