I'm at the house listening to vengaboys alone. Please come home.
I'm just not sure how to initiate the "do you want to have sex with my boyfriend and I" conversation
Pillow talk just revealed that he originally thought I was 16.
Using the only finger i can move, i calculated body mass, intake and time. It's mathematically impossible for me to still have this hangover at 9pm. I passed out at 8pm last night. Fuck vodka.
I just finished spraying the foam party off my pumps with a garden hose
It's a toss up. They'll either laugh and watch you drunkenly fuck on the beach or they'll throw you deep in Mexican jail.
Dad's already had 6 Zionist conspiracy rants and moms trying to detect any "dark energies" in my soul. You have 4 days before you return to this shit: ENJOY THEM
Aaand now my client contact has seen your boobs.
Showing girls my stab wound was not the brilliant idea I thought it was.
I HAVE DISCOVERED LONDON AND IT FILLS ME WITH JOY
Roommate charged out of his room in pajamas yelling "MAKE IT RAIN" and just threw $4,000 in fifties onto my head. My Friday night.
Also, why does our bed smell like mayonnaise?
If wanting to text you my feelings after three mojitos is wrong I don't wanna be right.
She pulled out a water gun filled with vodka and called it her weapon of choice tonight. She's fine.
What a weekend. It started with me realizing i might not be straight and ended with me spraining my foot.
Randomize
