I can actually hear my brain cells scream as they die when she speaks.
her underwear stopped being sexy when i saw her pubes sticking out of the top.
Thursday nights need to stop happening to me.
I think its safe to assume that the 40yr old undergraduate with purple and pink in her hair and a tattoo of the eiffel tower above her ass crack has never actually been to Paris...
I guess I made wings because there's chicken everywhere. Even on the walls. 3 of them. It's like a chicken grave yard.
I had him autograph the condom wrapper.
sriracha body shots, that's gonna be a thing
it's like you just said "i want you to suffer"
A little boy in a bathroom stall just shouted "mom where's your penis?? Is it inside you?"
Why is there no Netflix category for "I just wanna cry, but I don't have time for a whole romcom"?
Last night she walked off and disappeared from everyone got home at 330 and said she went to the casino with her cab driver.
I chose not to drink last night but drinking chose me
I completely forgot I gave up beer. But airports don't count. They're like international waters. No rules.
I think I ejaculated my soul out.
I just met a stripper in the light of day who I ate a candy bikini off her body. This is how my weekend is going.
OMG WE ARE UP TO THREE MINORS WORKING HERE. I AM NOT READY FOR THIS MID LIFE CRISIS.
Randomize
