I pretty much can't stop smiling when I talk to you. Even when you talk about disease and infectious diarrhea.
just brushed my teeth with a bottle of jack. ew. not all it's hyped up to be.
what you doin?
I just woke up vomited poured myself a chocolate milk and turned on the peoples court. you?
reread what you just wrote and reconsider your entire life
did you know that snuggie is the perfect anti-freak out aid for stoners? it weighs you down so you can't go anywhere. just sit there and enjoy the movie, that's right.
Oh no it's bring yor chld to work day...I'm too drunk for this
I don't know, but I don't want you to think its ok to show up at my house at 4 am with a gorilla suit and a bucket of pinnapple and think id be ok with it
searching my car for your cum before I have to give my grandma a ride to the airport. Thanks for this
yea im pretty sure it has something do with my love of forearms...
I thought you just gave him blowjobs and he criticized your drug use.
I just laid my head on this pillow and I smelt your penis. It was comforting.
My night can be summed up in 3 words: Vodka. Threesomes. Hospital.
It's fun yes. But hard on the body. I woke up with her purse, socks and one of her shoes in my room. The other shoe was outside. What the fuck were we doing last night?
Red Alert: She has 3 cats, a parrot, and 2 rats. Initiate Protocol Zero and rendezvous at Checkpoint Bravo for debriefing
Don't be weirded out, but my bondage straps are made of my ex boyfriend's curtains
I wasnt 2 drunk i sobered up around the time we were shooting the fire extinguishers
Randomize
