i think blowjobs on the first date are perfectly acceptable. as long as you dont go dick to mouth.
It's impossible to flirt with the bank tellers because they see how broke I am.
It makes me feel uncomfortable and unsafe when he licks my pants
What happened on tuesday that a stripper knows my full name?
We should probably just have a threeway and get everyone on the same page.
Puked in my laptop case in the middle of my nutrition class.
When I woke up I had three missed calls from the name 'dream krystals'.... If I remember correctly she was the lady at the drive thru at Krystals and her name was Dream.. She wanted to come to the strip club with us... Do you remember?
dude, i turned on the light and asked if they were ok and they STILL didn't stop. Most determined sex EVER.
I did the crab walk everywhere because I was drunk enough that it was easier than standing up.
I have one of those hangovers where you visualize how awesome it would be to climb in your fridge and drink glacier water
they wouldnt let me drive the convertible because i was in a bird suit :(
I hope you get stoned and think that you're a seal in shark infested waters
Woke up with a $50 attached to my penis with a rubber band..
Sweet. Tell little Richard to buy us a sack and a pizza.
i love you and all, but can that be the last orgy with your wife?
You kept on yelling traitor and threatened to kill him and everyone he loves because he played beerpong with someone else
Randomize
