my grandpa was trying to put butter into the pepsi and i'm like "grandpa what are you doing" and he looks down and goes "well i guess that wouldn't taste good anyway"
Don't interrupt me, I have a limited time to be high and thus be remarkably good at Pac Man
you took a scissor and started screaming "I WANNA KNOW WHAT ITS LIKE TO BE BALD"
I had another sleeping on concrete incident.
he sent me a naked picture of himself. things got awkward really quickly. but on a positive note he shaved his chest
i just snorted my name. best moment ever
long story short: there's a file in the master file cabinet labeled "lube".
Human Centipede: The Drinking Game. This is non-negotiable. First one to pass out the rest of us get to FEEEEED THEM!
Rule #127: If your going to try fuck a married guy, you gotta be hotter then his wife; diet starts today.
You know its been a rough night when for a large portion of the evening you have accepted your death
sriracha body shots, that's gonna be a thing
it's like you just said "i want you to suffer"
They ran out of toilet paper, so I had a girl rip down the streamers so I could wipe.
He's taking me to Tao. This is going to be so weird. How do you go on a first date with a guy that has seen you naked more times than clothed?
You told your boyfriend he needed to fuck you in the tree because it would make you guys one with nature.
Did he?
Ugh. I need to go to the store, but I'm too lazy. Whatever shall I do? That girls still passed out. I should steal her car
Randomize
