Like all of my pajamas are shirts of guys I shacked with in college
This kristen chick is fuckin nuts. She's pyscho. She's a trainwreck. She carries baggage. She's... Perfect.
every time I see Anne Hathaway all I can think is "my cousin fucked a guy who fucked her" and it makes me proud.... so I want to say thank you for being that cousin.
I just blew my nose and little bits of weed came out.
I don't have a choice really. It's either lose 15 lbs by Halloween, or I'm going as a giant banana.
They got their marriage license when they were at the courthouse for her arraignment.
I'm impressed you managed to decipher 'annslqllpprebBcncnj' into 'I'm drunk at the Vic, come pick me up and do me on the kitchen table'
The bellhop gave us weed in our keycard envelop. We went down to tip him and he apparently never gets that so he just gave us more weed. Kentucky is strange
We see some guy emerge from the forest on the island this morning, alone, in only a snuggie. Morning shots and bagels on us for the number one walk of shame.
WHY ARE THERE NO BLACK EMOJIS? I CAN NEVER PROPERLY IDENTIFY MYSELF.
Curdled. you forgot that word. It was a curdled buttery nipple shot.
Blood everywhere...karaoke was nice
Ya, It's probably because whenever I close my eyes I see a kitten playing a banjo.
Family acid trip. They're welcoming me into the family.
What. The. Fuck.
Family acid trip.
We got high, had sex, and watched retro scooby doo shows. Best friends with benefits yet.
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