The guy I was getting with last night took off his purity ring mid-sex and threw it across the room.
she requested me as her brother on facebook.... biggest. letdown. ever.
look up what dreaming that you're in a lesbian relationship with a manatee means.
she wouldn't play beer pong with me unless I took off the rollerskates.
One time she made a chronological chart for the guys she has given blow jobs to, I shit you not.
Seriously-without actually meaning the statement for it's words- that made me want to put a baby in you.
The only flat surface we had was a cheez it box so we snorted the blow off of that. Rock bottom really isn't that bad.
When you are 21 it's acceptable to run out of the tavern and puke all over the bike rack... when you are 35 it's called alcoholism.
He took a picture of me to show his boss why he was late...Is that a compliment or not?
I wore my Gollum shirt. It struck up a conversation AND got him staring at my boobs. That's a win-win.
Now we just need to figure out why your underwear was in your bra
His condition for us having sex was that I wore my show boots. #equestrianproblems
my morning attempts to try to have sex with him was interrupted by the passion of the christ parade going on outside my house
Compositionally, that's actually a really nice picture.
And your penis looks really nice too.
He almost got to me tonight but then I was like fuck it I'm going to dance with a teli-tubby on the bar so fuck you
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