so after all day drinking, we went to an all u can eat crab place and i was going from table to table surveying the crowd if they though the crab i was carrying around looked like the flying dog from never ending story...what the hell is wrong with me?
i now have a sippy cup solely for the purpose of drinking alcohol out of...am i an alcoholic?
wtf
I'm guessing you saw the bathroom?
just weighed my balls on my pocket scale. that high.
He walked into the party with a case on one shoulder and a boom box on the other of course I fucked him
I feel like now would be a good time to apologize for vomiting in your eye
He walked into the bar right as I was licking the shotglass clean. We made eye contact for way too long..
I think animal control just caught me smoking a bowl on the back porch. Do they have any say in this matter?? Haha
So we were having sex and his roommate walks in eating a bag of chips. Then proceeds to talk to us about his bitch of a professor.
Did he at least offer you guys chips?
GLITTER SLIP N SLIDE MUTHAFUCKAH~
I went to the obgyn with chipped nail polish.. Somewhere Beyonce was looking down, shaking her head, whispering "Not fierce."
sweet sixteen by hillary duff just came on and i feel like i let lizzie mcguire down for being such a stoner
Will you rub my calves while I masturbate?
She started crying because the Rugrats grew up
I’m sorry my lady boner messed up your mojo!!
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