Two girls are now jumping in the ocean naked at 10 PM...and I was just starting to hate Ocean City
the jolly green giant just puched the pope. halloween is the best.
I just took a bite of a bagel at school and it tasted like weed. If I am high for my test in 2 hours I'm gonna kick someones ass
I feel like I had eight dicks in my mouth
The puppy is a lightweight. 3 beers and he's passed out on the floor already. I repeat, the puppy is a lightweight.
you are not perverted enough for this relationship to work out.
Fact: Chilis at the airport in JAX will serve you shots of jack at 6:45 with breakfast. Ya I missed my flight.
So when does your new flight leave?
At my shot/hour ratio.... I leave in 16 shots. I love flying
Good idea. You gotta take care of your vagina. She takes care of you. Pay it forward.
He was all like, "I've prayed every single day just for one more night with you."
Omg just give him a quick handy and walk out.
I found a video of myself completely naked on my phone giving a drunk tutorial on how to shit properly while blindfolded. Did you record it?
But I mean how many guys can say they get blow jobs and grilled cheese with football
I DID NOT GO INTO HOURS OF STRENUOUS LABOR FOR YOU TO LOOK LIKE A DOMINATRIX BARMAID ON A WEEKDAY. AT LEAST SAVE IT FOR THE WEEKEND GDI.
I fucked his roommate. And that roommate's best friend. And my roommate. And my roommate's old roommate.
i'm bowing down, but slow your roll.
Do you remember trying to sleep under the pool table while wearing a reflective vest?
Nope.
You kept saying you had to be safe.
I'm unsure if I could pee myself at this point in my life
Randomize
