she told me she sucks everyone's dick but mine because mine is too big and "hard to suck" i need to reevaluate the girls i fall in love with.
I've never heard a "this is the reason why i dont suck your cock" explanation go in that direction
im pretty sure all they do is fuck. and talk in baby talk. its two babys fucking basically.
You cleaned out the gashes in your leg from hopping that fence with that whipped cream vodka, didnt you?
hold on, were in the kitchen painting a yellow brick road to my vagina on my leg with black light paint.
It's like split custody, only he's not a kid and they have sex with him.
couldn't find my pants so i stole a pair of shorts from the passed out kid in the corner.
Everybody in the immediate area is hooking up like it's doomsday
WHY AM I NOT THERE?
Would you like season tickets to my vagina?
I was originally going to go as fembot from Austin Powers
I wanted to have tiny guns for tits
The best part about daylight savings time this weekend is we get an extra hour to be fucked up.
We were getting breakfast he shit himself in the middle of ihop. Mid bite he just yells out o fuck.
So my ex just asked for my address to send me his wedding invitation... in Europe. Awesome.
That’s basically a green light to fuck his dad
There was already gay porn open on my laptop with a tiny carrot cake, a bottle of water, and a note saying "I love you, Sober Me."
Drunk me just hits it and quits it.
you yelled, puked and cried then passed out in the fetal position in your underwear
For the love of all that is holy just take the tranquilizers Erica
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