I'm sorry my penis didn't work
At least my shower head will respect me in the morning.
I can't wait to get all this Makers out of my shoe.
Ive been home for 20 minutes and I'm already in bed with a vodka tonic
Tried to steal a keytar from my hook up's house.
Last night was the twilight zone. We hungout with our 45 year old future selves and tried to fuck everything with a dick. Lets move forward from this.
Itll be like a collage of penis. And not that abstract, one penis in a big painting contemporary shit. Collage....
I tried to high-five the cop last night. he just looked at my raised hand and told me to go to bed.
He visits one Denver strip club and now hes moving there
We decided to keep having sex while I ordered the pizza. I wanted extra pepperoooooooooooooni.
Some girl is sitting topless in the kitchen and having a Skype video chat with some guy. I already like it here.
Omg my butt feels so much better. Those suppositories are magic. It feels like Jesus fingered me in my sleep.
the awesomest thing about staying behind in our lame ass dorm room by myself during spring break: I've now nutted in 3 inconspicuous locations on your side of the room. brag to me again about how fucking awesome tahoe is you shithead. I dare you.
annnnd thats why you don't tip your waiter by flashing them
I realized my soar muscles form the shape of me leaning over a toilet
Randomize
