I miss you. Just wanted to say that before the drugs kicked in so it's legit.
Waitress cut us off at Chili's bar. New low
Legitimately semi-blackout across the table from the governor off a chardonnay i can't even pronounce.
This place doesnt have redbull or serve shots. Its like they are at war with fun.
You only ask me to come over when your gf is gone, and thats usually at midnight to cook chicken salad and watch you pass out
I'm taking her home. She just told a 90 yo woman in a packers hat to "suck her cock".
Just realized the guy is in my class. Unless there's another guy that had half his ear bit off at a St. Patty's party
cheese fries, coffee, with a side of dry heaving in the bathroom at the diner on campus at 5am. never felt better.
Fuck underwear. Let's get stoned and eat ravioli.
Wearing the same clothes for three days in a row and eating an entire two pound bag of jelly beans really has a way of making a person rethink their life...
Next think I knew I was pretty much using his penis as a microphone... No more playing Eminem during hookups
As I was balls deep, she moaned "i can't wait to see what how hot our daughter will be". Instant de-boner
I changed his name in my phone to "Irrelevant" last night. Not changing it back.
He said it only counts if it ends up on the internet
Good thing he's hot and my vagina likes him or I'd be at Dennys right now.
Randomize
