i think i got so emotional from a mix of getting my period and slapping the bag like five times
was just hit on by a homeless lesbian. forever alone.
My dry heaving is complicating my ability to speak.
no one is here. wer drinking in the beer garden in the dark and we stole a bucket of blue paint off the sidewalk. now her legs are blue.
The dingo escaped by eating a hole through my screen door. It's loose in the city somewhere.
I cannot take someone's straight and gay virginity in one threesome. It's just too much responsibility.
that freshman chick we always see on the weekends walked into art class wearing a jaegermeister shirt and holding a monster, which she proceeded to shotgun with a pair of scissors. It sickens me to know I will never achieve her level
I've given up for the day already. I just wanna eat cheesecake and hide from her.
Stop leaving me alone with my ex boyfriends after keg challenges. Woke up in his bed covered in what you think would be cum. No...toothpaste. He left a note. "Be home at four. Don't be here when I get back."
We play this game where we catch up on what we missed over five years of not talking to eachother, then we have sex like nothing ever happened.
Look on the bright side, one day you will get to tell your grandkids how grandpappy got roofied on his 21st and woke up in a for sale house missing his shoes
He even wore it to bed. What the hell. He's too excited about that goddamn costume.
I dont' remember leaving St. Cloud, getting home, or apparently directing traffic in the middle of the fucking street while black out drunk.
My booty call is in the theater watching Deadpool right now. Never though comics would work against me.
Thanks for leaving me with drunk gabby
Hahahaha why what's happening?
She's sending me morse code through the wall....typical
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