is it bad that I sent her a picture of my penis on her husbands birthday?
Looks like I will be paying for the roofie I slipped myself in 9 months.
Molly wanted me to tell you, "she hasnt shit on the floor in a while" like she thinks its an accomplishment.
A guy on the street just growled at me and said damnnnn. Sometimes it scares me how attractive i am.
I hope he's okay, but I also hope he shows up with an eyepatch
just wrote a 6 page paper on my blackberry. including 3 sources. college is teaching me good things so far.
You slept with a red coat way too close to independence day. It's just very unpatriotic.
she tried to deny peeing on the floor last night. she said she wouldn't make it to the bathroom only to pee on the floor
oh but she would
hes duct taped to the wall and we're throwing eggs at him. i love thirsty thursday.
I just want you to know that I think it is hilarious and wonderful that 40s are now your alcohol of choice.
is there any kind of "im boning my neighbor and he happens to be a manager at walmart" discount that our new relationship entitles me to??
The night went downhill when he took his pants off at our table and walked up to women saying "Special delivery"
Just so you know, I woke up with 2 oven mits in my bed and no clothes on.
That was the second worst thing to happen to my asshole.
Don't tell me I can do whatever makes me happy while also saying I have to put on pants.
Randomize
