Driving out to Plano is like driving away from your twenties
y-o-u-r-e = you are, y-o-u-r = your. you are a bag of douche not your bag of douche. if you're going to insult me at least do it in proper english. that is all.
Mustard is by no means a replacement for yellow wall paint
Next time we go to the river, we nominate you to flash people for free booze. Your tits are the biggest.
i love being in ibiza. their hotels are much more receptive to walking around naked in the lobby than our american ones.
Making a drinking game out of jeopardy does not mean you studied..
Well the weddings in 4 days so I already got the eightball lined up and the wii fit all warmed up. Still wanna bet I wont lose 20 pounds by the wedding?
i was playing the convince him im sober game through texting. i spelled most of the words right. i hope.
The last thing I remember before blacking out was telling Jamie that she was too fat even for my standards. The first thing I remember after blacking out was waking up next to her.
I had to get my boss birth control a work today. I knew going to ASU would come in handy in my career someday.
Simple revenge plan: break into his house and steal one shoe of every pair
We just fucked like crazy and now I'm dipping chips in macaroni & cheese. I feel completely accomplished. This may be the best day ever.
Ehh, the third backed out. Two still isn't bad. Who gets a bootycall to pick them up from a bootycall's house anyways? Only me.
If waffles and beer don't scream "fuck me!" then I don't know what else to do.
You were filing your nipples with a nail file to "make them sharper"
Randomize
