and then he ordered a "diet and rum" like the most important part of the drink was the diet.
this girl looks like the female version of brooke hogan
State Street has never looked so beautiful than during my walk of shame.
Day 3 of Lent and I would already kill a puppy if God would give me permission to masturbate
AND BY FEELINGS I MEAN VODKA
dude when im high using logic is an accomplishment that should be rewarded. make sure u get cinnamon twists
How do I enter a double puke and rally into my calorie counter?
I could not actually bring myself to utter the phrase "donkey cock" in front of my father. Not possible.
I woke up naked on my couch playing a video game I thought I had dreamed about... oh yeah, and someone cut my hair.
My sheer presence has sent the hipsters running in terror. I expect no problems.
Is it too early in the day to ask a nipple-related question?
I used an emoji to tell him I was pregnant. I should feel bad about that, right?
Cheese, the small of a woman's back, the universe, mountains, vampiric demons, sleep, and dreams.
I'm shaking a cocktail while in bed. Is that bad?
He was singing on top of spaghetti, and then started crying. He said it was the saddest song ever, "so so sad".
Randomize
