Her boobs more than make up for all the flaws with her personality.
how come everytime i call mom shes doing tequila shots
Also, did that cop draw hearts on everyone's hands last night?
I hope the walls stop moving before my manager notices that i'm still drunk.
I dunno. The only plans I have for sure after finals are smoking a bowl and eating a 5 pound gummy bear. btw I bought a 5 pound gummy bear
i am one fart away from being 2 for 2 on this whole shitting my pants thing.
So apparently nutella and chocolate body paint aren't actually the same thing.
Oh. I'm probably going to just get a viagra and ruin your life.
Lets think Pancakes and sausages into existence
Head-banging is a very stupid way to injur yourself. But this opinion is also coming from somebody who can't walk right because they cut their asshole shaving last night, so it probably has little to no merit.
So you broke your ribs while fucking? Dude you just got about 25% hotter.
I was just drinking but now I'm drinking and chasing with red bull. I call this "getting ready for work"
Drunk me really needs to stop 1. telling every attractive dude in a relationship that monogamy isn't real 2. Proposing threesomes with them and their girlfriends
it was like reliving my childhood drunk at a bar.
i could have got laid, but instead, i threw up in her hair. you can cross that off the bucket list.
Randomize
