Just found out I slapped a vegan in the face with meat last night.
I want to spend time with you, and by time, I mean real time. Not your dick in my mouth time.
Heed the warning of the ghost of Oktoberfest present: German beer is soooooooo much better than our watered down children's piss. also lost all my clothes and am wearing lederhosen the rest of the trip.
He was so good, that I'm pretty sure he fucked his religion into me. P.S. I'm Jewish now.
Ok I am NOT pregnant. I could shove coal up my vagina and my uterus would turn it into a diamond in a matter of minutes
I think I reached some stage of aging, have a sore/injured shoulder from sex, next up carpal tunnel from sexting.
I just crashed on my couch and have no intention of ever getting up again
I will be over with a bedpan and beer
the girl whose rug I peed on is here
DELETE THAT VIDEO OF ME MAKING OUT WITH THAT RUG NOW
Dude!! Who the fuck glued Cheetos to my couch? Bastards!!
We need a rematch, I think my pussy was on vacation the other night.
I’m honestly just flattered that you think I could make PornHub’s Top 10.
I'm gonna be late for work because i decided to masturbate and forgot to put my clothes in the dryer
Of course his biggest mistake was assuming that I ever gave a fuck to begin with.
My Hitachi broke 1 day into this stay home bullshit.
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