it's like i warped into dreamland and the only thing that makes sense is my solo cup
oh my god. my mom just found my pipe. she thought it was a dildo.
like i said, there should be a sitcom about your family.
Actually considered writing down one of the numbers on the bathroom stall. That's how much I miss vagina.
By the end of the night i was making legitimate noises not just saying moo.
we bought a duck. we're keeping him in our dorm room. don't ever try to tell me you've had a better freshman year than me.
And then I asked the bartender for my third shot and he told me he had to cut me off at two because this was in fact a family fun center
As shirtless as possible
Just spiked the bong with a ludens cough drop with hopes it soothes my throat after i rip it.
Just found a g string in our driveway, wtf happened this weekend?
Dude the tree smoked with me. I planted the roach with it and smiled.
I woke up with my name tag for work still on my shirt. It was a rough night.
He started talking about getting a puppy together. So of course I went down on him later
I just ate broccoli before drinking. Does that make me a responsible adult?
I woke up with glitter and eggshells in my bed wtf
The shower rod just came down while I was pooping. I caught it though and the curtain stayed on, so I'm not sure if it's a good or bad omen for the rest of my day
Randomize
