Ew, dude I just walked in on my boss masturbating in the supply room at the restaurant. He didn't see me so I quickly shut the door and pretended like it didn't happen. And then literally five minutes later he came up to me and cupped my face with his hands and told me what a great employee I was. I got a promotion but I'm fucking scarred for life. I can't stop cringing.
Why did I wake up with "How to masturbate" on my youtube search bar?
You told us you forgot how, and started to cry.
"reccomended dose" hasn't been in my vocabulary for quite some time.
I got a job at a micro-brewery. Now who made the bigger mistake, them or me?
my brother came home with a bottle of vodka and his pants off. were gonna spend more quality time together.
He was a bulldog and my face was like rare meat. Never again with the drunken ones.
I'd rate him "doable" on a scale from "ew, run" to "you should've already fucked him".
That's about an "8" on normal scales.
My mom would probably be ok with my lifestyle as long as she doesn't see that photo of me doing bong rips in a Jesus costume.
No just sleep deprived. James woke me up at 7 and forced me to eat a hot pocket with him cause he " didn't want me to die".
Well I found out I was essentially dumped and replaced by a hipster and apparently offered a girl $95 to go out with me. In the spirit of the Olympics I will not be spending any time on the medal stand.
I feel like captain Morgan put his peg leg up my ass
She woke up next me in bed and told me to stop driving so fast.
Can't talk, I'm icing "sorry I barfed on your couch" onto a cookie cake
I think a major source of concern would be the fact you snorted a shot. Who does that?
I'm not gonna lie, but for some reason I have this strong desire to watch porn with my pint of haagen das.
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