Totally saw a hot amputee. I think this is called character growth.
I apologize for forcing you to look at my boob when we were high. It was uncalled for
The fact that its 530pm and I'm saying to myself I should sober up since I'm at a family establishment should say enough
his apartment was in a funeral home, walk of shamed through a visiation in the skankiest outfit i own
I think I love you, but I may be biased because we had pirate sex.
Well I squeegeed the puke off your arm at the gas station
We're pretty much just dating until one of our ex's wants us back
So I craigslisted sugar daddies and I'm pretty sure I found us one if you can pretend to be asian.
I spent most of the stoned conversation with my dad proving to him that the Newfoundland is an actual dog and NOT a Snuffaluffagus-esque figment of my stoned imagination, while laughing over the fact there is actually a place caller Dildo, Canada. Have YOU taken time to be a good dad today?
I asked her if she could eat some Doritos so when we made out it would taste awesome
While all of the skanky girls from the crowd got on stage we screamed fair game and scoped out all their boyfriends, she made out with 2, this is what we call taking advantage of the situation
annnnd thats why you don't tip your waiter by flashing them
and then the sword just ended up between my legs
I don't see why I have to pay for it.
your head went through the window, you're pretty much obligated to pay for it.
Then you screamed in her face to shut up about thick thighs saving lives because actually they can suffocate people during oral sex
Drunk me is very safety conscious And apparently just as annoyed by her as sober me
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