Since she's grinding up on your thigh right now, I'm sending you this text hoping it makes your phone vibrate in her vagina
just ask for directions from a guy with a penis drawn on his window
Some dude at the gas station right now is buying a 30 rack of beast and a can of cat food. Happy Thanksgiving.
Is it bad that I voted for Scott Brown because I want to fuck him?
Nah. I did too.
The last thing I remember is you asking me how to grow french fries.
He's throwing up in my bed and I'm not even getting fucked for this
He was banging holes in the kitchen wall with pots. They tried to pull him away but only managed to pants him. He kept "drumming".
hold on, were in the kitchen painting a yellow brick road to my vagina on my leg with black light paint.
Also, that dude projectile vomiting all over the living room was the perfect distraction for me to swipe the booze and run.
Katelyn drunkenly ripped the soap dispenser off the wall so we decided to call it quits
my roommate had a few special brownies and wrapped my purse and one of my shoes and left them under the tree for me...
trying to figure out what happened last night by looking around the apartment.
naked man under the piano. THE PLOT THICKENS.
BING! You are now free to move about my panties. He just left for work.
If you can't drink with the big boys, give up your beer and go back to the playpen
Lesbians just stole my cat :(
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