okay I'm thinking he doens't have a facebook...I'm on page 28 of Hunters
ok you need to stop NOW
Sorry, I don't speak sober.
my favorite part of the night was when I was in the bathroom frantically trying to get my cat whiskers and nose off to make hooking up less awkward
I feel like I'm on let's make a deal. should I go with what's behind bulge number 1 or bulge number 2?
His car is rigged up like the cash cab how am i supposed to not sleep with him
i think the title to my autobiography shall be, "a bottle of vodka and various pieces of meat"
and this is why you're my favorite gay friend.
I've figured out why I love winter sex. Because I make them leave the beanie on, and we all know I love a man in a beanie.
I farted in his bed and then in my drunken stupor grabbed hair defanging spray to cover up the stench.
To be honest, waking up to 20 naked people in my house was not the weirdest thing to happen to me in the past 24 hours
Aaand now my client contact has seen your boobs.
I'm at the point in my life where I'm gonna sell my eggs for cash
would you like to venture to the magical clitoris forest?
They way I see it is I've wasted 7 years of having these glorious tits. I only have about 3 good years left before idk kids or just gravity takes over and they don't look this nice so it's basically open season.
Well I've decided to refuse to conform to society and be naked the rest of the day.
Neighbor just came over and asked if I had anything to clean blood out of carpet... it's definitely time to move.
Randomize
