It's not real sex if he's just convulsing inside of you.
I need to stop taking drags of other peoples cigarettes, it's such a tease. Like playing just the tip, you just can't
Wasted on the beach. There's children everywhere. A six year old girl even stood over me with her hands on her waist looking down on me as I was passing out by the water
First memory of my senior year: Going into registration still drunk from last night.
Also was told that I was her "third favourite booty call" - I'm taking this a good thing right?
It's a podium place so yeah...
Just had the best idea EVER: start a mead brewing/dispensery business! WE CAN BREW IT IN MY GIANT CLOSET, AND NEVER BE SOBER AGAIN.
Of course the first guy who sees my nipple piercings is a Catholic from Nebraska who won't do anything but dry hump me.
I just added Tubthumping to the playlist for tonight. This is going to make or break the party.
They were out of soap so you started calling yourself a dirty bitch
Was your bare penis on or around my blanket?
And remember people can't hear you kick ass in space
I woke up to a gigantic ft-long tootsie roll and a note by drunk me with the words "you're welcome"
Can you see if my straightener is in your refrigerator?
Yes. Its here..
I'm doing my drinking workout. 20 pushups for each beer I finish. I should write a fucking book
Just come here quick. I'm home in 3min. It will take you literally less than 5 to walk. Then 2 to undress, 16 to fuck, 2 to dress again and 5 to walk back..!!
exactly 16 eh??
Randomize
