I was speaking french the whole night. Until i got arrested. Then I decided I should probably start speaking English.
i just fucked the bartender on my cruise to get free alcohol. have things gone too far?
I'm watching a Sinbad stand up special. Not even drugs can make this funny.
i just got yelled at for having sex. this sorority thing is worst than being at home. at least at home they think im still a virgin
The gym has a pool
my gym membership just went from "way to get in shape" to "place to go swim when I'm high"
My parents just out drank me... I cant get back to college soon enough
I wouldn't have puked last night if I didn't inhale straight pepper from you shattering the pepper shaker on the wall.
I don't care if he was in that porno. He looked like he knew what he was doing.
Yes I slept with him, he was the only one not wearing a costume. Guys with costumes are just trying to impress you.
So good!! I became real good friends with an adorable black lesbian couple from Baltimore and a man in a diaper.
Some girl came up to us crying that she lost her phone and you said "if it's meant to be, let it be"
I woke up with a dread of barbecue sauce in my hair. Drunk munchies makes me a disgusting person.
Sooo i'm debating posing nude for the drawing and painting classes, I just wanna see if they draw my nip ring.
What am I supposed to say? "Oh hey, I can't go out with you tonight because I can't picture myself sleeping with you and I was high and just trying to be nice when I said yes"?
Fine I’ll come with you but you better tell that guy to wear some longer shorts because the second I see a rogue nut I’m gone
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