look no pants
best part, i was ridiculous and none of them were judging me bc they didn't want my vagina. it was like i was a pretty painting
90% of the problems in your life are directly related to your vagina
you went around grabbing cigarettes out of peoples mouths and claiming you were curing cancer.
she must've caught on when i went out for a "run" in jeans and a sweatshirt and came back holding a McDonalds bag and smelling like pot.
Tequila bombs in champagne seemed like a good idea at the time.
I have not carelessly put myself in herpes way since I got a clean bill of health tyvm.
I just found our entire wall-to-wall from September 2006 printed out and clipped... it's 49 pages. Blackout me is so considerate of bored-at-work me
How dare you. Idk what you called me, and neither does google translate, but you better take it back.
The 78 year old woman who works next to me divorced her ex husband, remarried her first husband, and retired all in one day. I'd say it makes your breakup on Valentine's day pretty insignificant.
The amount of times I have been emergency drunk in the past 72 hours is staggering
if i seriously got my dick up last night, then im taking him to disney world cause thats just fuckin impressive
Last night when I blacked out, I ate Chef Boyardee. I never want to be that drunk ever, ever again.
Fucking suck it up and drink your feelings like a normal human being.
don't think less of me for this, but i'm pretty sure he did a line off my boob last night.
Randomize
