Sex should be hot, sweaty, messy, and a little painful. At no point should it involve tiny rocks
I just found out that AAA will pick you up if you're drunk for free if you're a member. How did I not know about this?
i now officially have to be stoned in order to look like my passport when i go to a different country
Is it bad that I see a party full of girls I know he has fucked as a challenge for me to be the one who ends up in his bed?
also, add "teaching boys to sext" to my charity work
She told me about it right after. She said she was scared I would be disappointed. And I was, but I pretended not to be. Which pretty much sums up our relationship.
Having boobs is probably the greatest thing in the world, free booze all around
Hold on - sidebar. My best friend just threw a 40 pack of condoms through my window.
I don't remember, but I believe your goodnight phrase was "nice meeting you, thanks for not macing me"
I'm trying. I feel like we're trying to have sex with fruitcake. dry and boring.
When you're all settled in, text me, and I can sorta apologize for saying that your phone can suck my dick. What I really meant to say is that your Windows phone can suck my Android phone's dick.
My sobriety has gotten out of control. I think I need an intervention.
I should be free tonight unless my 5 speed vibrator arrives in the mail today, than we might have scheduling conflicts.
Normally roommates threatening each other with knives would be too much crazy for me, but I don't have much going on right now and I feel like this could get interesting. So I think I'm gonna ride this shit out for a while.
Sometimes you wanna cuddle and sometimes you wanna get blown in the bathroom.
Randomize
