she fell down the flight of stairs and was fine until she saw the two broken beer bottles on the ground by her.
thats a woman
Kristen just told everyone at the bar that I've got a huge dick, now Brittany is giving me the eye. What is the opposite of FML?
Fuck?...well quicky, i have to study...unless you can read my book while i bang you, then it can last four chapters
I can be that talented
she said i was amazing, then i left to room to take the rubber off and came back to find her masturbating with my xbox controller while niko got a call from roman.
No worries you cant actually turn into a wine snob if you brew it in your closet....
We talked him into tasing himself.
I'm making myself a nametag with my contact info and pinning it to myself like a kindergardenter in case I get lost when I black out on Sat.
Can we laminate it? Just to be safe.
One last thing: he lists glow sticks and tacos as things he can't live without. How would we not be friends??
Didn't have the heart to tell him that while he was eating my ass I was laughing, not moaning, into the pillow
I checked her ID this morning. Lets just say...she's older than my mom
There was one thing about my NYC trip I forgot to tell you: I took a dump in Trump Tower
Dad is celebrating turning 45 by being drunk in a department store before two o'clock.
sorry didn’t mean to call you, i was just trying to put the t-rex emoji beside your name
Never thought I'd see the day when I got assless chaps in the mail, and yet here we are...
My fuck it list is complete! I finally got a firefighter!
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