I figured girls wouldn't be down to sleep w/ a guy who plugged a pregnant chick
everytime he calls himself the maxipad master i can't help but wonder what costume that would involve.
i'm all for saving the environment, but when we get into the shower to fuck, he shouldn't flip his shower hourglass timer
i am already firmly committed to doing irish carbombs w/ 12 different people, and the st pattys day party doesnt start for another 24 hours. i may die
no memory loss, but i'm unhappy with my memories
He was so drunk he was throwing the bowling balls into other lanes on purpose. He still beat my high score thought.
My therapist thinks I shld paint u something to show u my appreciation 4 ur friendship. 1) she must think I'm rite on the brink of no friends 2) this is real
Ran into my neighbor that's always crying. I wonder if she's like; "I ran into my neighbor who's always playing with her vibrator?"
You tried to impress her by kicking the 5th floor button in the elevator, but you ended up kicking everything from 3 to 11. Then you said, "pretty accurate, huh ladies?"
These girls just walked into this party as reverse cowgirls... Wearing cowboy clothes all backwards
I just gotta say that I feel so much better now that I got some. I mean I feel like a normal functioning adult ready to contribute to society.
I wish you could just Google "people I've had sex with" and they would all just come up
stop falling asleep in the bathtub. you are not a movie star, you cannot die that way.
These guys are just fucking with my heart instead of fucking me. They're fucking up.
Sorry I had sex in your backseat while everyone was in the car
It's quite alright. I found his shorts in my backseat, not sure what he was wearing when we dropped him off
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