remind me tomorrow that nothing happen between me and the guy who's shirt i'm wearing
Seriously. Destroy her vagina. Do it like an angry baboon mating with a gentle manatee.
MRIs the morning after St. Patty's Day was a poor choice.
As long as you don't die I'm in full support of your drinking decisions
Pretty sure that drunken football on the back porch with 6 guys with a champagne bottle was a bad idea....
That's why they call him "the cheesegrater".
Wow. This hand sanitizer smells awesome. It's like I just gave a handjob to a fruit basket.
I found my phone outside under the leaves by the curb. What the fuck did I do last night
I guess I made wings because there's chicken everywhere. Even on the walls. 3 of them. It's like a chicken grave yard.
Was almost hungover and got scared, skipped hungover, back to hammered. Fuck real life
So. How about you can get tequila certified...
You should photoshop their heads on tigers first!!
For my parents' annivery card? How high are you?
When you're trying to sneak from the bathroom to your room with dildo, but it glows in the dark and suddenly your entire life is illuminated in the shape of dick
Is it rude to say "I hate you because you live inside Hillary Clinton's asshole"?
Get your heels and tits on! I’m not wasting a Brazilian because his fucking kid ate paste or Legos and ruined an afternoon suite sex and room service
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