If you borrow your friends real doll, should you wear a condom?
a chick just tried to cover her fart by sneezing. it didn't work
I'm pretty sure I just overheard my boss call his sperm precious metal...
How do you get a black eye playing beer pong??
my head gets it he sucks but my LAME FUCKING HEART IN MY VAGINA doesnt
I love you. Happy valentines. Satin Patricks dayyyyyyyyyy. Alreadythrew up. Geeeeerait.
Very impressive. My GPA is the same amount of orgasms I can offer tonight (valid only tonight): 3.5
Dude. Why is there a hamster in my pocket? WHAT THE FUCK WAS IN THAT JOINT
You got me so high that I almost couldn't leave my house for a bar because there was nothing to lean against on the way there
i am one UTI away from banning your fingers from my vagina
took shots off of a myriad of fake boobs last night. It was glorious.
Did u guys seriously make a betting pool on when im going to get pregnant???
Yep, wanna bid?
Angels sing when his face is between my thighs. I came 3 times before he even came up for air.
Guy just rode past on a lowrider bike smoking a blunt, I want his life
Dude my cat is eating sugar cookies with me. No joke. My cat likes cookies.
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