"Ever since I killed her kid she be actin' shady." Actual quote overheard at Marine World just now. Oh God.
Apparently throwing up on his dick didnt convince him to stay away . . . whats the most indirect way of saying "im just going to continue avoiding you"?
Yes. Hungover. All the boys are going wakeboarding. Boys only. I wish I was a gay guy so I could go wakeboarding but still suck dick.
i feel like an archaelogyst. im pulling apart last weeks brownies to find the weed in them
My room should be renamed "Land of the Misfit Condoms."
I'm sorry for biting your husband's ass last night.
Just sharpening my eyeliner with a butterfly knife. You know. Typical weekday morning.
Life is so difficult sometimes. Can you imagine? Going through life, constantly creating boners everywhere you go.
Just bought shock top, Trojans, double shots and baby oil. At 8 am. While the lady in front of me bitched about her expired coupons.
okay we need to get tested.
no YOU need to get tested. I'm just going along for the ride.
Well you busted in the house and yelled with pride about Uber giving you a ride over with your new bong.
His name was Dragon. For real. How do you not sleep with a Dragon? Don't judge me.
I always feel bad for the sober driver... Never been me but I feel bad... empathetic AF
Well, I hope you're having fun. I'm just gonna lay here and wait for death - shouldn't be long now.
Remember when we got high off our ass and you talked me into running in place then punched me in the face and said it was a wall?
Ya, you were bleeding for an hour and a half
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