He kept referring to his penis a his "love gun"
So does it count as really great road-head if he ran over 3 mailboxes before realizing he was off the road?
do you know how hard it is to pee with a pumpkin in the toilet ?
Is there a reason why the cops knew her name as they were chasing her?
I just spent 30 minutes cleaning out my coleman grill. Did you really have to have grilled yogurt?
Its gonna be a symphony of fucks
So his mom walked in the kitchen while I was sucking him off and just casually suggested that "I'd need a glass of water after that"
I'm pretty sure I just crapped out my pancreas. I have 2 of those, right?
I'm not sure what is worse, the fact that Hoffman doesn't sell vodka before 9am or that I was trying to buy vodka at 8:30am.
I feel like they've probably fucked. Like.. you don't just bring a bitch a Big Mac if you haven't fucked her.
A Morman just tried to recruit me and I told him "Trust me, you don't want me"
I had my first "Damn Kids/When I Was That Age" rant at work today. We need to drink this feeling out of me. NOW.
i just had diarrhea that people from the 1930's would have died from
I don't have any soul left to be crushed.
I'm concerned I may die tonight. All I've been told about my bday shenanigans is to bring slutty clothes, a bikini, tylenol, sunglasses and pjs. Tell me what the fuck is going on...now
bring lube too
i hate all of you
Randomize
