After going down on me he either said "there, it's over" or "there's an odor"... I couldn't hear him and was too embarrassed to ask him to repeat himself. I just got dressed, grabbed my bag, and left. So I don't think there's gunna be a second date. =(
I am spending my child support on dildos
Youll never guess who has to go to fucking planned parenthood because trojan cant make a fucking condom
im learning from these one night stands last time i came in her this time i came on her AND deleted every contact in her phone!
took out my tampon, fucked him, and put a new one back in all before he realized I was on my period. beat that one bitch.
the recent google searches were "were can i buy a porn horse, why does my heart hurt after drinking, and orlando's teen night..." your thought process perplexes me
his blanket is still in the back seat of my car, its like a constant reminder of his small penis
When you hit the 45 minute mark of any argument about The Flintstones, you have to realize: it's no longer you arguing, it's the cocaine arguing.
Can I bring home a duck? Dead serious
I have dibs on his crisis of faith.
No one should ever have to Neosporin their nipples. At least he apologized.
Like actually I will be single and sad and lonely for ever. Cheese will be my life partner. Robot sex is my future.
I met her parents last night. Her dad smelled like weed and kept yelling "I HAVE ALLERGIES AHHH MY EYES ARE BURNING!" During dinner It had to be good weed he didn't even know he was yelling.
And two different second-graders said my make up was pretty. It's left over from last night bc I woke up 5 min before I was supposed to leave.
I ate all your munchie Mac and Cheese cause you left me on the lawn. If you don't want it to happen gain, drag my drunk ass inside next time
Randomize
