I got drunk and smashed his tv with the keg and so he blames me for being evicted.
I just watched a woman break three wood planks with her boobs. I don't know how I feel about that
i just opened up my bathroom cabinet to get deodorant and found 4 bottles of natty. Its like the world wants me to miss this interview
So, do you think I should wash the ashes off of my forehead before going to the strip club?
We're making herpes jokes very loudly and hoping she notices.
Is it sad I don't want to go buy $1 Mac-n-cheese cause I need to pay rent... I'm re-naming this college.
Also, peanut butter on a spoon dinner is back in existence and it is good.
Im about to embark on a date with someone who shit in my car. How did this become my life?
You know just sitting here carrying on a conversation with a 5 yr old about why there is puke at the landing of the staircase
I mean really it's like when you're super hungry and you can't decide what to eat, you just know you want food. This is that situation, but for my vagina
I sent him a naked picture of me with the caption "I lost at beer pong, this was a dare. Hope your nights going as good as mine" I've never talked to him in my life, this is a strange way to start.
Just showered now I smell like berries instead of shame
I applaud your efforts, but I have to say it was the bear we encountered that ultimately shut down the entire operation
well what the fuck is the POINT of teetotal mardi gras
He's pretending to be my boyfriend so that my family won't bother us when we sneak off to smoke weed
also I can check "jump into a moving car" off my bucket list if that tells you how tonight is going
Randomize
