Do you think you have hit the lowest point in your life when you find yourself actually condisering watching the movie "Gigli"?
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ok, stay where you are, be there soon
is it bad if i hope guys are like edward cullen and can read my mind. i could be a whore in disguise.
He asked me to sit on his face, but i didnt, for 2 reasons, one, i had just pooped like 20 mins before sex, and two, this could be my future husband. so i skipped on sitting.
Do you know how easy it would be to shoplift if I was a magician?!
Found my new morning breakfast spot. Hospital cafeteria. Nobody asks questions, they just assume shit went downnn
If there was a god I would have a big mac right now, but i don't
where did this taco bell managers name tag come from ?
How can other people our age be acting like adults when I'm still taking my birth control pill with left over gin and tonic from the night before?
Do you think I need to report to HR that the intern and I had butt sex?
I know you just got dumped by your gf but believe there is still good in the world. I just smoked a joint and took a fucking unbelievable poop. Give me a call tomorrow.
All you need is a handful of lube and an open mind
You would think by the size of the lump on my ass that I would have remembered falling down a flight of stairs.
it's not rock bottom until you fall down an escalator on the way home from a hookup and have to have you dad come pick your drunkass up at 3am. Adulthood.
I'm sorry I crashed your motorcycle and watched you get robbed from a rooftop. Will you please come back or at least drop off my shoes?
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